Can't Touch This

There are some things in life that you can mess with...but there are many things in life that you can't mess with..especially when I am around.

As Human Beings, and as Indians more more specifically, we are pretentious, racist and ignorant by nature. Where have I heard that before..we keep saying the same thing over and over again..We all sound like broken records. Well I can't take it anymore. Stop judging people you don't know. Especially musicians. You aren't even half as good as them. So get over yourself.

You're the type of person that wakes up every morning thinking very highly of yourself. Well good for you. Pat yourself on the back. But do you have to live up to any reputation. Do people even care whether you show up to work or not. Do you have a million shutterbugs in your face asking you or rather waiting for you to do something stupid. Your pathetic. Get over it. Stop trying to make your miserable life better by judging others. Believe me. You are not any cooler. It just makes me dislike you more. You poor pretentious poser.


We keep talking about these One Hit Wonders. I mean we mistakenly assume that its a good thing to be called a One Hit Wonder, but really people laugh at the fact that they could never come up with much more. So what. At least they tried right. Can't say the same about you. Did you ever come out of your comfortable shell and try something different. And even if you did, did you get very far. From where I'm standing doesn't seem like it. There are some great "One Hit Wonders" that you still sing and hum to. Do not even try denying it. Are you seriously telling me you didn't ever sing along to "Return of the Mack" by Mark Morrison or "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred. If you said no then I can tell you right now. You are going to that big underground fiery place. Oh and how can I forget "I wish" by Skee Lo or "Macarena", "Wicked Game" by Chris Isaak, "Take on Me" by Aha. Oh my. I can go on for ever. Okay now you may be wondering what the point of this whole charade is. All I am saying is that you should really think twice before you judge someone or their music again.

It's not like I am completely free of such biasts either. I personally can't stomach Coldplay, but that's mostly because of the emotional implications that are involved and also that
EVERYONE likes them.. I can't get accustomed to anything that everyone else seems to like. It just seems wrong. Anyways so yes I have a problem with Cold play, but I have openly expressed my love for the song "Fix You".

So lets talk more about these pretentious posers I mentioned earlier. These peeps walk around with their snooty uber cool intellectual yack and pretend like they are the best thing to happen to this world since creation itself. You can't really recognize them because they like to stay out of the limelight, but that's mostly because they aren't good enough for the spotlight. Let me break it down. They listen to music that they think is thought provoking, meaningful and that serves a purpose. The worst thing you can do to music is define it or restrict it to something. So I get that you need to classify music according to genres to ensure there is some form of clarity and organization, but what I don't get is hating on music when you don't even know about it.

Pop music is the best case. People think its for teeny boppers who are fresh into high school. Adults don't listen to pop, at least not the smart ones. What utter baseless BS. Buddy you need to grow some BALLS and realize that pop music is POPULAR music for a reason. It's good on the ears, light on the brains and relative to each individual. End of story. So the next time you call Britney Spears, *NSYNC, Spice Girls, or anyone else soooooo pop, well then give yourself a pat on the back genius. YES they are popular. They give little girls and big men alike around the world a reason to unite, dance and be merry. Ain't nothing wrong in that. Its all in you demented head that there is. Don't involve the rest of the world in your dirty political mind.

Just as we are ignorant about the people in our own lives, we don't leave any leaf unturned in the case of music and musicians as well. For instance, all Country artists are hicks, all Rappers are Black Gangstas and all Rock N Rollas are rebels without a cause. Oh someone shoot me. This ignorance is killing me.

Garth Brooks might be country, but he has more soul in his country bumpkin songs than you have on a daily basis. Shawn Corey Carter aka Jay Z might have a net worth of millions of dollars and he's living the Gangsta life but started out in the projects and made it big rapping about it and didn't have to kill someone for it like a gangster. Marilyn Manson might be a white man stuck in a goth woman's clothes and make up, but he gets your attention and boy do you give it to him.

So you might not agree with what musicians sing about, you might not understand their need to dance, you might not understand their lyrics, you might not like electronic sounds, you might not like the amount of synthesizers in a song. Whatever the case. You can't just walk around judging things or people when you don't even know about them. If your going to judge or criticize do it after you take the time to sit down and listen to the music. Then decide. Don't just be a pretentious poser. Its not a nice tag to walk around with.

Whatever I say might just go through one ear and out the other. Or you might just scan through what I write. It doesn't really matter. You might say what does this well fed, overtly verbose Indian girl, with an American Accent know about anything. Well I don't know much. I am just talking about basic humanity, decency. Its okay if you don't get it. But if you really want to be the one to judge, you need to go make something out of yourself first. With that I leave you with a poem from one of the most misunderstood musicians in the history of Music. Tupac Amaru Shakur.

Fallen Star

They could never understand
what u set out to do
instead they chose to
ridicule you
when you got weak
they loved the sight
of your dimming
and flickering starlight
How could they understand what was so intricate
to be loved by so many, so intimate
they wanted to see your lifeless corpse
this way u could not alter the course
of ignorance that they have set
to make my people forget
what they have done for much to long
to just forget and carry on
I had loved you forever because of who you are
and now I mourn our fallen star

An extreme case of Disgust

I am disgusted by:

1. My hair which looks like a porcupines back
2. The way my shirt buttons keep popping open for no reason
3. My Forever New bag which is looking old and dirty
4. James Franco's inability to pronounce GUCCI, even though he is the brand ambassador
5. My need to spend more time with my farm on Farmville than with my room mates or friends.
6. My lack of creative prowess

Okay now that the whining part is done..on to the good stuff..I am just DISGUSTED..besides these superficial elements which I just described..I have another unexplainable gut feeling which keeps screaming DISGUSTING..

I woke up this morning with a feeling of belonging. That's probably because I slept with the same feeling. But as soon as I stepped out of my bed and my feet touched the ground, that sense of belonging transformed into a sense of DISGUST. I immediately looked over at my yoga mat, which I bought with so much pride and enthusiasm. Yeah so I use it once in a while to do what I pretend is yoga but in reality is just a bunch of weird poses. I try to do the Surya Namaskar without fail and I think I am mighty cool because I can do about 15 back to back without rolling over and dying. But then someone DISGUSTING told me about Kareena Kapoor doing 150 back to back. Talk about DISGUSTING. That's impossible right. She is not human. She is DISGUSTING.


You know what else is DISGUSTING that I forgot to mention up there. My constant need to lose weight but my inability to do so. Okay maybe I am not trying hard enough but I never had a skinny moment in my life. I don't really know what I am missing out on. Nope...no skinny girl stuck in a fat girls body here. There is just a fat girl. DISGUSTING.

DISGUST is such an ugly word to write and to say. I mean when you say it doesn't it literally feel like your going to vomit. Definitely DISGUSTING.

So there are pills for depression, nausea, early pregnancy termination, ear aches and even for increasing bowel movements. I mean come on...are you telling me there are no pills for DISGUST? Its a genuine problem that I have. How do I get rid of it. I can't eat DISGUST away because then I would be a glutton and that would be DISGUSTING. No I can't do that. The idea is to escape it...not embrace it.

Ugly Betty has gotten damn DISGUST-worthy. So here's a girl that supposedly represents the heavier set of women with not so glamorous looks out there. For the first three years she wears DISGUSTING clothes and then suddenly she transforms and starts straightening her hair and wears single shaded clothes instead of a vertical rainbow of DISGUSTING. hmm..not fair..nope..not only is it not fair..it's DISGUSTING. But then again I should have figured that it was all a farce considering she always gets out of her troubles and ends up fine in the end. BLAH. Ugly Betty's life is anything but Ugly. It's not even DISGUSTING. In real life assistants don't become Editors. In real life, people get fired from jobs they don't like. But dude you can't fire them. That's DISGUSTING. They have to quit jobs they don't like, not get fired. You know who you are. You are DISGUSTING.

So yes my life is full of DISGUST. And do you blame me. I live in a world where pigs fly..and you know what that means..yuck..DISGUSTING..the world is coming to an end...but oh wait we already knew that...So prepare for a big Gucci Tote bag worth of DISGUST...in Hell...either that or its about time to accept/embrace/hug DISGUST. It's not going anywhere.

Here I leave you with a few DISGUSTING words from a DISGUSTING (yet DOPE) rapper to help you through your DISGUST:

But sometimes the shit just seems,
Everybody only wants to discuss me
So this must mean I'm DISGUSTING,
But it's just me I'm just obscene
Though I'm not the first king of controversy
I am the worst thing since Elvis Presley,
To do Black music so selfishly
And use it to get myself wealthy.
There's a concept that works
20 million other white rappers emerge
But no matta how many fish in the sea
It'll be so empty without me

Labels or Love??

The great Sufi poet Rumi once said “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.”

I think I am at the place. A place where nothing is really right nothing is really wrong. You are a horrible person, but I haven't quite done my part for world peace either. So stuck somewhere in the middle. Away from the extremities of life. Safe. Secure. Good place to be? I don't know.

I can't help but think we all have a bigger purpose in life. Or have I just become the romantic idealist I said I would never become. I like to think that life is good because of the smaller things that it has to offer...the beautiful horizon...the random moments of infectious laughter when your roomie cracks and insanely stupid joke...the first crush...::SIGH.

Okay, but what about the bigger things that life has to offer..the more expensive things..does it make me a bad person just because I like to shop..ALOT...no..I don't think so..as long as I'm not harming anyone I don't see the problem..

I think the problems only arise when you start liking the inanimate objects you buy more than the animate objects in your life (clothes over people?) Don't get me wrong.. I love my mother..my brother..my special friends...and even the not so special ones...but the kind of high I get when I try on a new shiny thing is unexplainable...maybe its because that inanimate object gives you more affection without even trying to...maybe its because the inanimate object does not have the capability to break your heart..yup that's it..now I know why my ex roomie always said she loves inanimate objects..it all makes sense now..in fact i think it the most profound discovery of the century...

The number of songs that are made on inanimate objects just proves my point...Ke$ha was right:

Boots and Boys
They bring me so much joy
I wear them both so pretty
As a Walk in the city

But I think its best said by Fergie when she says"

I shop for purses while I walk out the door
Don’t cry, buy a bag and then get over it
And, I’m not concerned with all the politics
It’s a lot of men I know I could find another one.
I know I might come off as negative
I be looking for labels, I ain’t looking for love
Relationships are often so hard to tame
A Prada dress has never broken my heart before
I’m a shop for labels while them ladies lay and wait for love

You might feel bad for the inanimate objects like Godley and Creme. But as the song goes:

Some things are better left alone
Grains of sand prefer their own company
But magnets are two faced
No choice for sugar
But what choice could there be
But to drown in coffee or to drown in tea
The frustrations of being inanimate
Maybe its better that way
The fewer the moving parts
The less there is to go wrong
I wonder about these things

I wonder too..How long will this bitter taste in the mouth last..when will I wake up in the morning again and say WOW what a beautiful day...when will I find true companionship from any animate object instead of my virtual farm. Well I wil never say never...but lets just say at this point I am quite happy with my situation..no complaints..I must say..as the deliquents of the 21st century we are mighty lucky to have a whole bunch of inanimate obejects to keep us occupied...to keep us feeling loved...to satisfy our needs...

Or are we?

I get by with a little help from my tv friends...

Is there life beyond F.R.I.E.N.D's, 90210, Dawson's Creek, Saved by the Bell, Full House? Yes and Life as I know it is as follows:


I never jumped on the "Lost" bandwagon...but the Flash Forward bandwagon is pretty darn good..its one long mystery..and I'm getting sucked into this mysterious black hole and absolutely loving it...





You might ask what is it about vampires? Well don't. You will never be able to figure it out. The vampire infatuation lives past Twilight...past the Historian..past Interview with the Vampire..It's back and here every week..fills the void that I got after Twilight was over...and keeps me busy till New Moon. Don't worry Edward...your still my favorite Vampire.







Melrose Place 2009. Sure it ain't as good as the original.But hey..It helps me get by..Its got enough drama to last me a year..




GLEE..As the name suggests. This show is absolutely G-L-E-Eful. Its delightful with the right amount of music, drama and comedy. Its a real pick me upper, over the top and exactly the kind of show that teens stuck in the body of adults like me need to be watching. Matthew Morrison as Mr. Shcuester is perfect and reminds you of a mature Justin Timberlake. BLISS.

Being a teenage sucks right. But not if your best friends are Dior, Dolce & Gabbana and Versace. Living on the upper east side definitely has its ups and downs but this OC girl loves her weekly dose of Blair, Serena, Chuck, Dan and Nate. You know you love me..xoxo.

What can I say about the show that I have spent the past six years growing older with, crying over and dissecting to death with fellow Grey groupies. I just cant get enough. Seattle Grace...and now Mercy West is a part of my life...but I do miss Preston and George..but as they say " The show must go on".




Cougar town makes me hope I look as hot as Courtney Cox when I'm 40+..bring on the cougars and young dumb men!











With Modern Family I can't help but be reminded of Arrested Development and Married with Children..absolutely love it..makes the completely insane seem sane.






The Good Wife..Something I will never be...Julianna Marguiles sets the standards...will be very hard to beat her at what she does..and boy does she do it well...cheating husband...nosy and snooty colleagues...a critical public and a law degree!








Phew...all of the above..Now this is what I call MUST SEE TV...

So You Said

So you said you would never lie...that you would only lie when it was absolutely necessary..when the other people involved would only benefit from it..not get it...right..isn't that what you said??? LIAR.

Yes you are a liar. I am a liar. The guy sitting to my right pretending like he is doing costing for ad spots while he is actually playing Farmville is a liar. There are so many kinds of lies and liars. The obsessive liars, the liars who do so only for fun, the white liars, the liars in denial, the God fearing liars, yata yata yata. But the most dangerous of them all is, and I quote Shakira and Beyonce, "the beautiful liar". He is all composing and yet so unassuming. He doesn't have one form. He comes in many shapes and sizes. We have faced this beautiful liar before, but do we learn from out mistakes. Heck No.

I mean you spend so much time, most of your life in fact doing what is right and believing and letting others believe that lying is bad, immoral, unethical, but against human nature? No. Lying shouldn't surprise anyone. We all do it. So don't pretend. I mean it cant be that big of a shock. Its nothing compared to Obama winning a Nobel Peace Prize for making promises, and Bono sitting back and applauding for him. That is a whole other issue.

Back to the beautiful liar. So lets not just say this beautiful liar is a man. It could also be a woman. It could be anyone or anything. It's faceless. The beautiful liar doesn't lurk around in the shadows like all the other scary things. Its in your face. It could even be you.

I hate this beautiful liar. This beautiful liar reminds me of a song I once heard and used to sing back in the day:

All I really wanted was someone to care
Instead you told me lies when someone else was on your mind
What you do to me, look what you did to me
I thought that you were someone who would do me right
Until you played with me emotions and you made me cry
What you do to me, you take what you did to me
Now I see that you've been doin' wrong
And played me all along
And made a fool of me, baby
You got it all wrong to think that I wouldn't find out

I found out. I found this beautiful liar. But its not anyone else fault. Its my fault. I seduced the Beautiful liar. Now I am facing the repercussions.

A girl, a blog and the life in between

For a girl who claims to have it all figured out I don't know anything at all. In fact I keep making the same mistakes over and over again. Lets get the facts clear. I don't smoke. I don't drink. I don't really have an obsession. I mean not the kind that is treatable anyways. My biggest vice...MEN...or rather boys..

Britney or whoever said it first was right, "Cant live with them, can't live without them". But that can't be it. There has to be some sort of reasonable explanation for this. What makes strong independent women or whatever we claim to be, swoon over this species. What makes us turn against our own kind and bring out the claws for a duel. Beats me.

All I know is that there are an endless number of songs about women who have been betrayed, beaten up, tortured, unloved..yata yata yata..by men. If I was a singer that probably would have been my subject of preference as well. But its not really about the physical part..and that super being up above knows that. Its about everything else. Sometimes its the physical pain. I mean come on we work out like maniacs to suit the opposite sexes fancy. We are at the receiving end of all the pushing and shoving and yeah sometime we might get a punch here or there.

So all practicalities aside, more often than none, the pain we endure is mental or psychological. Don't get me wrong. It's not only the men who are solely responsible for it. Women bring it on themselves sometimes. SOMETIMES.

How do you classify this hurt. There are so many levels.

It usually starts when your a kid with a harmless crush. You kick the boys, spit on them, stick your tongue out at them, but really you like them. But god forbid you let them know. Yuck. No. Boys have cooties and the cooties are so bad that you cannot even give yourself a cootie shot to immune your body from them. Who know when this harmless crush turns into an obsession in high school. You start getting infatuated with the idea of this untouchable unreachable boy. He is cute. He is funny. And yes he is nice to you. So somewhere deep down you start imagining things in your head.

"Does he like me".
"Oh my gosh. We are wearing the same colours".
"He dropped me home. I want to have his babies".

::Sigh. Pathetic souls, we women. Torture ourselves till our only salvation is a man named Hersheys.

We finally realize that boy doesn't like us, but we still insist on showering praises on him and defending our silly actions. He knows you like him so he starts acting like the little punk he is and he avoids you. End of story. Crushes are bad for health. So its not really just a crush like Jennifer Paige said. She saw it this way:

"Its just a simple crush
not like I faint every time we touch".

Yes we do faint. In fact we imagine we did touch them. Even if for the briefest second.

When we don't find what we are looking for from the "harmless crush", we move on to the mature man. The substitute teacher. The dreamy man with blond hair, blue eyes, simply and lovingly called Sam by his students. Sam is happily married with a child on the way. Leave him alone. Its not going anywhere. Look but don't touch. Right. I literally had to fall flat on my face before I realized how stupid I looked and acted.

Next. More harmless crushes. More boys who avoid us. We mature and develop only to realize that yes what our mom told us was right. Boys like you for only one thing. At least it starts like that. They give you so much attention you start thinking "Imma Diva. A female version of a Hustla". Whatever. Give up.

NOOOOooOO. Come back. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. However its not always a short tunnel. Sometimes the tunnel is soooo long that it seems never ending. And when your in that tunnel endless number of boys will like you, will pretend to like you, will say they love you or will pretend they love you. Don't falter. Maintain your composure. You will always meet guys who might not say it but will be thinking the very words that 3oh!3 sing about in "Don't Trust me".

"Shush girl shut your lips,
Do the Hellen Keller and talk with your hips"

Poor Helen Keller. RIP. Don't worry about these pathetic men. They wont change. Nope Sirie.

When we finally get closer to the road of redemption...or try to get some closure to our single pathetic lives, we face another road block. Women. Yes you read right. Women are one of the biggest roadblocks.

There are sooooo many men out there. But why do we inherently end up liking a boy who has so many admirers. And as women instead of sympathizing with each other, we attack.

So that is it. Boys will be boys and girls, well no comment. What was the argument again? What was the point of this entire blog? Well nothing you didn't know already. We're scarred for life. Thank you boys.

Vindication of the Rights of Women

So I know I may have borrowed the title of this post from Mary Wollstonecraft..but hey..who even knows her besides the Lit students out there. So I am one of those "intelligent Lit students" out there who supposedly knows what she Wollstonecraft was talking about.

Sure ..we all try our best to understand what an 18th century female British writer has to say about women and their rights. In a nutshell, Vindication of the rights of Women is a response to all those MCPS of the 18th century who thought women were as good as the bottom of their shoes. She argued a whole lot about improving the woman's role in society going to the extent of saying that in order to be companions to their husbands, to be good daughters, mothers blah blah, we need to educate the females. Granted. A whole century or more later women were equal in numbers to men in schools.

Women's Rights? They didn't have many back then. Now we do right? Then why are we still unhappy cranky ol' hags. Because as a species, we are unsatisfied. Deal with it.

I cant really relate to Wollstonecraft. Feminist philosophy has changed a whole deal. I guess I am more open to Salt N Peppa when they say "Aint Nuthin but a She thing". Yes you read right. It aint G thing, its She thing:

Now I can bring home the bacon and fry it in the pan
Never let you forget that you're a man
Cuz I'm a W-O-M-A-N
That's what I am doin' all I can
The thing that makes me mad, and crazy, upset
I gotta break my neck just to get my respect
Go to work and get paid less than a man
When I'm doin' the same damn thing that he can
When I'm aggressive then I'm a bitch
When I got attitude you call me a witch
Treat me like a sex object that ain't smooth
Underestimate the mind Oh yeah, you a fool
Weaker sex? Yeah, right! That's a joke
Have you ever been in labor? I don't think so, nope
I'm a genuine feminine female thing
Can ya hang? Ain't nuthin but a she thing

So the tables have turned. Women and men study, work and live together more or less equally. But the pressures are different. Its so easy to expect the wife or partner to work and be a working mom. Am I heading back to the medieval ages when I say I want to be able to have a choice in the matter? Maybe. Perhaps. Who am I kidding. Yes I am throwing away all the hard work those cool feminists out there slaved for. Literally.

I might not make any sense when I say this, but is it so wrong to just want choices in life. I want the choice to sit at home and raise my dogs and children. I want the choice to be an exotic dancer because it will get me a lot of money. I want to do it my way. I know it ain't gonna happen. Mostly because I'm chicken and full of talk. Its okay though. Venting is good enough for me.

So artists like Britney Spears, Lady Gaga, Christina Aguilera, Beyonce and Rihanna vent out through songs. Maybe they dont always write their own lyrics but its all there. The same pain. The same dilemas. Britney breaks out of her crazy shell and explodes in "Piece of Me". So she walks bare foot in a gas station bathroom, she goes bald, she has a breakdown. Dont we all. At the end of the day she is a good momma. She brings in the bucks. Shes a woman who has been trashed by men all around her. Shes not an angel. Nor is she innocent. She claimed that from the beginning right ( hint: Oops I did it again)

What about Rihanna..maybe she is a less controversial example..afterall she ONLY got beaten up by her Singer boyfriend Chris Brown, thats all. No biggie right. Wrong. Rihanna is the epitome of a classic whining woman. Whether she wants to check into "Rehab" because a man is her disease or because she wants to " cry" because she was "unfaithful" vice versa, she sings it well. I feel it.

Beyonce didnt have to try hard when she wept without crying in "If I were a Boy". If I were a boy I would seriously think twice before I get with a women. We are just to complicated for the average man (boy) to understand. Christina Aquilera went from being a "genie in a bottle" to becoming a " fighter". She's right. "It makes me that much stronger. Thanks for making me a fighter".

Lady Gaga takes the prize though. She knows just what men are all about and she accepts them in all her glory. She can put any man to shame with her "balls". She got her ass squeezed by sexy cupid, she see you there standing there with your eye on her and your hand on her HUH and she is okay with it. She doesnt want your love. Only your bling bling. Good for you Lady Gaga. You are the current generations feminist philosopher. Whether we like it or not. I accept it. All Hail the Gaga.