An Ode to the Burqa (when in Rome)....

Shakespeare had a tragic hero and Juliet to deal with.

James Joyce had Leopold Bloom and the Odyssey to worry about.

Defoe had Crusoe and his man Friday to keep busy.

Keat's had seasons and birds.

There have been odes to nightingales', sex, hate, the human mind, lesbians, everything. Or so we thought. What about the Burqa? No, unfortunately it is the lost tragic character in our modern age book of life.

I can't believe I never wrote about it before. But then again, we didn't have to deal with a ban on it before now did we? No, not even during the crusades.

It's official people. The crown of thorns has come out. The Burqa has been banned in France and Belgium.

Before I start my overbearing almost tyrannical take on this ban, let's get our facts straight shall we? France and Belgium are countries where only a small fraction of Muslim women wear the burqa. When I say small I mean a couple of thousands in France and about 30 in Belgium. Fractional if almost non existent. So it shouldn't really matter then should it? But it does.

Why? Let me tell you why.

It's been almost a decade since the tragic 9/11, but the on-going anti-Islam movement is just getting stronger with reactive legislation like this ban. People shouldn't be reacting, they should be responding.

Is having a women remove her burqa going to make you feel any safer? Well I guess we will find out right?

Now let's pretend that banning the burqa is going to solve everything or at least start with regards to terrorism. Let's also for a moment listen to all the feminists out there who think that wearing a Burqa is anti- woman and a sign of oppression. Let's also believe that EVERY SINGLE WOMAN who wears a Burqa is FORCED into wearing one. Then what do you do if some poor ol gal actually is caught wearing a Burqa? You fine her 150 euros of course. Okay, but then your practically fining a slave or oppressed person for being oppressed. That's the way you do it. Punish someone for being the "victim".

This brings me to my point, when in Rome do as the Romans do. For all those smart alecs who argue that Saudi and predominantly Muslim countries don't respect other cultures, I agree. You are right. Women can't walk down Mecca wearing a bikini. The girls of Sex and The City cannot flash condoms around and grope men in public. That's because these countries are Islamic states and those are the very tenants of Islam. Fine. that's understood. Now why then do you want to go and compare democratic and otherwise secular countries with the likes of Saudi? What's the competition. They tell you now to wear a bikini so you tell them not to cover up. Very smart.

With all this talk about Democracy, secularism and ban in the same sentence, I can't help but be reminded of Orwell's masterpiece, and my favorite book '1984'. It wasn't too long ago that the very thought of being told what not to wear would start a riot. It's a matter of time before we are told what to wear.

Personally I don't wear a burqa, hijab or niqab anymore, but I did wear a Hijab for an entire year when I was 13. Dumbfounded? Don't know what 2 of those three words are? It's okay. You are not the only one. I might not practice wearing the garments, but I do recognize the difference between the three.

The Hijab is the scarf that covers your head and neck, but your face is still shown.

The Niqab is the entire outfit which covers you from head to toe including your face, with only your eyes showing.

The Burqa -is the long head covering that covers your entire body, but not necessarily your face.

So I am assuming these French people have banned the niqab, since they feel threatened by not being able to see a womans face. What surprises me is that this whole debate says more about the people opposing the niqab than those who wear it, like me. Prejudiced, unknowing bigots.

My argument is always going to be freedom of will and equality. By banning the burqa you are banning the religious conviction that some people have. And we all know how difficult it is to be convinced about anything anymore.

I am all for banning oppressive men, women, rapists, molesters, pedophiles. Should we get them next? Please. My point is pretty straight. When you pick one race and make its practices illegal, even when other races are permitted to do similar things without criticism, that is racism. I haven't heard of the Nun's habits being banned? Is it because there are more Christians in the country? I had to think of it that way. I hate to bring religion into my blog posts because I am supposed to be whining and not feeling so passionately about a thing that I don't even follow.

If you ask me, (which I am sure you are not, but I'll say it anyways) if the Burqa is such a security threat, learn to work around it. When reasonably requested, the Burqa should be lifted. That is a law. You want uniform in universities, schools and work places. Burqa wearing women should be told at time of registration that while in class, the burqa must be removed. That is a law. If you need security checks in airports, major hot spots, etc, ask the woman to reveal her face. That's a law. Think about this. A woman wearing a hijab is as accessible to a CCTV camera as one that is wearing a hat or slinky Dior silk scarf. And if the latter wraps a scarf a bit higher around her neck that probably makes her as anonymous as a woman in niqab.

I believe no body should be telling you to wear, I also believe no one should be told to not wear it. If we advocate that a woman should be able to wear mini skirts, pants or whatever she wants to wear, we should also advocate for the fact that she should be able to wear a hijab, niqab or burqa. But this doesnt mean some patriarchal chauvanistic man can tell her what to wear, this also means that he can't tell her what not to wear. Simple.

Coming back to the French. Do the French intelligence agencies really have nothing better to do with their time? No other threats to deal with, apart from 2,000 Muslim women with covered faces?

By wearing the Burqa, if these women are somehow a symbol of social division then so is the Sikh turban and the Orthodox Jewish wear. But no one is having a go at them, and I hope they don't either.

A womans assets are her own. If she wishes to flaunt them as freely as discounts at Big Bazaar she is more than welcome to. We live in a world where everything is sold almost pornographically. By seeing a woman cover up, and then telling her she can't, are we respecting her less? Yes we are.

I repeat myself again and again. Let there be beauty, liberation and freedom. If a woman wants to cover her boobs, she is no less or more than a woman who thinks talking with boobs is a way of life. I support both!

A burqa is not Islamically recommended. I am sure about that. I have grown up with the strictest Muslim grandmother in the world. Possibly. But she would never force anyone to wear it. Islam is a pure religion at the heart of it. Women are pure too. Stop complicating both. Don't involve both in over zealous chauvinistic and terrorist activities that are rocking this sorry world. And, for goodness sake, lets not reduce Religion and human beings to a dress code. That is as the French would say "très bête".

If anything needs to be done, it's getting rid of male domination. Encourage women, Burqa clad or not to do as they will and not as the testosterone overloaded bull next to her wants. Find a solution for Domestic Violence, abuse, harassment, not for ethnic dress code cleansing. Let the women be. All you men need to stop thrashing each other over cultural differences.

I'll never understand ultra conservative Islam, but I am pretty sure Sarkozy doesn't either. I say we oppose the racist right wing kind of politics which could give a flying duck about Muslim women's rights and I also say we ban the products of the Islamic right wing. Women should not be sacrificed to either!

Before I finish completely, I want to recount an incidence where I have been subjected to racial profiling with just my name. So my name is completely Muslim. I have a Hindu name too. I choose not to use it because my identity will not be hampered based on the whims and fancies of people who don't even know how to spell their name backwords. Once a boy who I will not name told me, in this very country, that "If you don't like it, then you can leave". Where will I go you motherchucker! This is happening across Europe, America and all the xenophobic areas. America, I can't belive I am saying this, seems a little more understanding. That's probably becuase the minorities are combining to become the majority. But anyways there is no excuse for saying :"When in Rome....otherwise go Home". Bollocks. You don't have to be the majority in a place for it to be your home. Common sense.

And then they like to call themselves educated...

What am I even talking about. I don't know. But yeah. Banning the Burqa is just the start. Should I start calling myself by my non-muslim name now? No. I say bring it on!

The Truth About Dressing like a Slut

Okay. Maybe I should warn you right now. This blog post has less to do about dressing like a slut and more to do about the "Weaker Sex". Now before you assume that I am a thoroughbred feminist, let me just update your douche bag way of thinking. Yes I am a woman, but I believe in equal opportunity. That is until a man goes and says or does something to ruin it.

So let me ask you so called intelligent men and women out there, what is it about a woman that "under dresses" that gets you all hot blooded.

Are you jealous that you can't do the same? Do you have a big ass? Is your girl friend not putting out? Whatever the case, who gave you the bloody right to decide if I am wearing too much or too less? NOBODY.

I can't believe I am saying this but Miley Cyrus inspired me to write this blog post. So it's been two months since I last made an entry and I have been feeling bad about it ever since. But this is not about me not writing. It's about me being so charged up to want to write about something that endless number of people discuss on a day to day basis.

This isn't a new phenomenon. The way we dress has always been an issue. I remember growing up as an ugly duckling but wanting to revolt against whoever told me what to wear. Like my mom or my dad especially. They told me good girls don't show off their modesty. Well I was determined to be a bad girl then. I would wear strappy string tops under big jackets just because I loved the idea of wearing what I wanted. Forget that I had the arms of a professional wrestler. I just could wear that strappy string top and walk around like nothing happened. Now that's what I call power, but we will get to the power issue later on.

Getting back to Miley Cyrus. What did she do to make me write this post? Nothing she hasn't been doing otherwise. It's not about her song "Can't Be Tamed". It's not about the fact that she is moving out of her Hannah Montana ways. It's not even about her pole dancing.
It's just the fact that we are more concerned with the fact that she dresses like a "slut", then the fact that she can barely hold a note without sounding synth. No offense. I mean I totally tap my foot up and down to 'Party in the USA'. And yes I did get goosebumps when I first heard "The Climb". But the fact of the matter is that she has been getting a lot of flak for the clothes she wears or rather does not wear. So she is 17 years old and no 17 year old has the business of wearing what looks like a one piece swimsuit on stage? Right? Wrong. She can wear anything she wants because in show business you don't really have an age. And we the discerning voyeur loving population are to blame. When it all comes down to it, the 64 year old Dolly Parton says it best about the Disney bunny:


"I remember when I was horny and young too. I love her. She's beautiful and has legs that go on for ever."

It's so simple but so powerful that statement. For centuries women have been told how to dress and how to be sexy or un-sexy. As far as I am concerned a woman is as sexy in a burkha as she is in a teeny weeny polka dot bikini. That again brings me back to what I was saying. A slut is not a slut until she sleeps with your boyfriend, his married brother, the entire Indian army and your brother. You can't be a slut simply for wearing a mini and running around topless. Then your just half naked.

I'm not telling everyone to run naked on the streets. If that's what you think I am saying well then your an ignorant fool. Or in nice plain words, you have not understood any word of this post.

As a 24 year old girl stuck in a womans body, I am finally comfortable with what I look like. I also know what kind of reactions my body evokes in others, men and women alike. Having said that I also don't give anyone the right to tell me what to wear. So then why did I wear a scarf around my neck when I walked down the busiest street in Bangalore? Because for some odd reason, men think that by walking down a crowded street they can rub up against your lady lumps and pull it off as an accident.

How about I punch you in your family jewels and we call it even? No? Well then shuttup and listen.

So at the end of the day it doesn't matter what I wear or don't wear. You are still going to want to touch this and I am still going to want to punch you.

I like to think of myself as a rational woman who responds and does not simply react. But what do you want me to do when a man says me wearing a certain piece of clothing makes him uncomfortable. What do I say when a man passes a lewd comment at me and expects me to be amused and not react? I say BALLS! No way in heck am I going to let you tell me I asked for it. No one asks to be sexually abused. Get that out of your thick skull.

You know how smug you think you are. Admit it. You see a "hot chick" and more than just your temperature rises and you say you can't control it. So why are we the weaker sex again? Please put all your brain cells together and tell me who is stronger now. The man who sees a piece of meat and shows every sign of excitement or the woman who silently observes, likes what she sees and enjoys a few private thoughts or two?

Definitely a woman. Who wants to walk around with something that gives away exactly what they are thinking or feeling at the moment? Not me.

The next time you want to argue that men are the stronger sex and women are the weaker sex, think about these next few points:

• Men are known to have a shorter life span, are more susceptible to infections and have less chance of withstanding disease than women.
• In matters of evolution, men are less likely to survive than women
• Girls learn language earlier, develop richer vocabularies and even hear better than boys.
• Teenage boys are more likely to commit suicide than girls and are more likely to die violent deaths before adulthood.
• While depression is said to be twice as frequent in women as in men, its only because women show their symptoms and are willing to talk about it in times of distress.

But don't take my word for it. Take theirs:

• We're more recession-proof. According to the Bureau of Labor Studies, 80 percent of those who have lost their jobs since December 2007 have been men.
• We already know that female enrollment is higher than male, but the of Educations Statistics reveal that men are also less likely than women to graduate and get their bachelor's degrees. Men are also more likely to take longer than five years to complete their degree
• A study done by McGill University indicated that estrogen gives women an edge when it comes to fighting off infections. That's because estrogen confronts a certain enzyme that often hinders the body's first line of defense against bacteria and viruses.
• Among the world's population of those who are over 100 years old, 85 percent are women, according to the New England Centenarian Study. In general, women continue to live five to 10 years longer than men as well.

If you still didn't get it then this might help:

• Men can't give birth because whatever power decided women should have babies didn't give them the ability to. He/she knew that men can barely hold themselves up for 9 months, imagine another living thing!

• Women look better naked

• Women do less time for violent crime

• You have a toddler in your pants who tells on you every time.

Okay. Fine maybe the last few reasons were just ways to make you feel bad about yourself. What it all boils down to is that MEN are not the stronger sex. Sure physically you might be able to lift more, but we don't see you walking around with a 10 pound being in your belly. I'm just saying!!

On a more serious note, the other day some jack ass boy I know said women shouldn't have any combat role in the armed forces. To that I have to say, men shouldn't be allowed on the planet. You smell, your hairy and disgusting, and you have no manners. Okay I know I keep deviating but again on a completely serious note, women don't need to be told that they can't fight. It goes against every moral tenant that this society is supposed to be made out of.

If a woman wishes to risk her life for her country, fight with unruly men from other countries and maybe even die while doing so, no one has the right to deny her that choice. Women have sought the opportunities previously restricted to men and vice versa. We let Adam Lambert sing about wearing black eye liner, we let Arnold star in a movie call 9 months, we let you wax your chests, we let you be the bread makers and not only the bread winners! Sure the comparison is not right. But what do you want me to say? It's comical. Women are constantly fighting to make a point. And look at the irony of it all. Women are fighting to fight!

It's as simple as this. If a woman has the ability to serve on the front lines, the military should not deny itself her valuable service. And even if she does make it to the armed forces, just because she is the minority doesn't mean you can use her as your socks.

So ladies and even men, you're not a slut. You don't ask for it until you actually say "I want it" and mean it.

If I want to show some cleavage I will. Because no matter how much you deny it we are powerful. We show a little and you go bonkers.

So, I say start a revolution. You don't let us fight? Fine. We'll walk the streets in our skimpiest attire and blow you up with our bazooka guns whenever we sense some aggression coming our way. There is a new meaning to the term "power dressing". So which smart alec said we can't fight again? Let him meet me. I have my halter, mini and bazooka waiting.