It's Not Right..But it's Okay

Some things in life aren't fair and somethings outright suck..but then you just have to adopt a new perspective towards everything. Ultimately, you may not think things are right, but it's okay. Really the world won't come to an end. Here's what I mean:

It's not right that there is a size zero...But its okay because there is also a size 12 and people like Beyonce fill in those size 12 jeans awesomely.


It's not right that Elvis Presely wrote very few of his own songs, but gets all the credit that people like Neil Diamond, Otis Redding, etc deserve. But its okay because I like the Neil Diamond's version of "Sweet Caroline" better.

It's not right that Real Madrid has all the hot (both professionally and physically) players, but its okay because Barca still managed to kick Real Madrid's behind in the Spanish League match the other day.

It's not right that Oprah is planning to quit day time talk show hosting by 2010 and people already looking for replacements (cough cough Tyra Banks and Sarah Palin), but its okay because there is still a whole year to convince her otherwise.

It's not right that men like Tiger Woods get sympathy for being caught up in numerous scandals and affairs...suddenly the super squeaky golf star seems like a sexual predator...but its okay because every dog has his day and Tiger might just be a dog...any doubts..I mean who are we kidding...after all he is a man and he has a toddler in his pants to tame...



It's not okay that I wanted to be the (wax on wax off) Karate Kid or the next Karate kid...but its okay...because my replacement is going to be an 11 year old kid named Jaden Smith...any guesses who his father is (lets get jiggy with it) and none other than Jackie "karate" Chan will be his mentor...wowwwwwwwwww



It's not right that my university exploited me, nearly killed me, nearly didnt let me graduate and is asking some of my friends to pick up their degrees at next years graduation and not this years, but its okay because I am not going to the fugly event anyways...okay maybe I am..but still..I will make sure I use up as much of their resources as I can..

It's not okay that I like good food and have to be fat to prove it, but its okay because apparently you like me for me and not my body...and even if you don't its okay...that's right...Ya Heard Me..cuz my body's too bootyliciuous for ya babe...


And...its not right that I was named Shagufta and people can't get beyond calling me shaggy, shagz, shuga, shugi, kofta, goofy, or worse SHAG, but its okay because otherwise a man named "saggy" would have never christened me ShagDAintern...now imagine the world without shagdaintern...how pathetically sad would that be...quite..

The Blubbering Idiot Meets the Man Who Kicked Spidey's and Batman's Ass

YES..that blubbering idiot would be me..and NO you don't have to get your panties in a bunch.. I only met him in my dreams....

So the movie NEW MOON opened worldwide to packed cinema halls. Now all you haters out there will try to prove me wrong, but let me do what any desperate Rob/Edward loving person would do: Throw some reliable stats at you.

So here it goes.

The second installment of the Twilight Saga closed the weekend with a more than remarkable debut weekend with a $140.7 million opening in the U.S alone and worldwide opening of $118.1 million making the total a whopping $258 million . WowZers. I can't even count half that far.

For all you movie fact illiterates out there, this is what the above information means:

The enormous collection that the sequel raked in makes it the 3rd biggest opening in Hollywood history, falling just behind The Dark Knight and Spiderman. And while you can gloat about the fact that it came third over all, let me just break it down a little bit more so that you can put your mouth where your money is and shut the heck up. Here are some more facts that might make you want to punch me in my gut:

Numero Uno. New Moon has the biggest opening in November ever, even beating our favourite teenage wizard, Harry Potter. The Goblet of Fire got $102.7 million. Edward beat Harry by 38 million. Aww Poor Harry. Don't even try to bring the age thing into the picture.

Number 2: While in the overall weekend gross, Edward couldn't beat Spidey or Blacky, Edward and team got the biggest two day gross ever, beating The Dark Knight. Yes read this and weep punks. New Moon's $115.9 million Friday-Saturday) vs The Dark Knight's $114.8 million start.

Tres: I'll stop my gloating with these last few facts, Biggest opening day ever ($67.2 million); biggest single day ever ($67.2 million); biggest showing ever ($26.3 million).

No offense to Spidey and Batman. I mean I grew up loving Bruce, but I appreciated him for his non super heroish ways, his ability to be human but super human at the same time. I still love Batman, it's just not the same love.

So New Moon couldn't win the weekend crown. Who gives a hoot, but since I brought it up anyways, lets just get this clear. New Moon did not have a world wide release like Spiderman or The Dark Knight. In fact it hasn't even released in INDIA, but thats another blog waiting to be written. Anyways, Edward Cullen, the sexy and smart 108 year old vampire with a body of a seventeen-year-old proved that you don't have to be a comic book super hero to be a box office king. While I don't give the success of the saga solely to Rob Pattinson, he definitely is the biggest contributing factor.

So why am I, an almost 24 year old working independent and strong woman lusting over this frosty white blood sucker? ::Sigh::..Wish I could explain it. While reading the books it was more about the character of Edward Cullen. But with the movie Edward comes to life in Robert Pattinson's body and soul and believe me, I have no complaints. So he looks pasty, so his hair looks to good to be true.

"He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare. His glistening, pale lavender lids were shut, though of course he didn’t sleep. A perfect statue, carved in some unknown stone, smooth like marble, glittering like crystal.”

Yes. That's what dreams are made of. I am part of the Edward Cult, and the more you call me a loser, the more I find salvage in Edward and the deeper I dive into this infatuation. It's like I am out to prove a point. I have an obsessive Twilight Disorder. I yearn to be Bella and quite frankly wouldn't think twice if I could be a vampire forever with Edward.

Why should you make fun of Stephanie Meyer, the author of the Twilight books, when we devour classics like "Pride and Prejudice", "Emma", "Tess of the D'ubervilles", etc? I mean despite the dark trappings of the Twilight series, it is nothing but a reincarnation of the classic tale of a vulnerable young woman and a powerful overbearing man who surrenders his pride for his lady love. Romantic? Quite.

Who wouldn't want to be a strong but poor damsel in distress, summoned to the highest ends of romanticism and passionate love by the coolest vampire on the block?

Who wouldn't want to test the ethical and emotional limits of this vampire god, who oozes raw masculinity?

I wish my scent was excruciatingly painful for Edward. The very thought of it gets me all hot and bothered.

So Ella might technically be the protagonist of the Franchise, but who cares. She's so plain Jane. And he is perfection personified, he composes music, drives hot cars and is smart, not to mention he loves this plain jane enough to sacrifice his wants for her safety. ::Sigh.

I can go on and on about how this Saga is the next best ting to happen to our generation since Google, but you haters will only laugh it off. I don't mind though. Maybe you should look deep down into your hearts and think about the fact that I find Edwards (fictional characters) company more appealing then yours.

So it all boils down to being loved by Edward Cullen. I would give my A+ blood to him any time. Edward are you listening?

Conditionally Yours- the Attention Whore

That saying "unconditionally yours" is so over rated. I mean Hallmark or whoever came up with it obviously didn't know what they were talking about. I mean seriously think about it. Does anyone do anything for anyone without there being any selfishly motivated reason? NOOOOOO. I swear on Mother Theresa. No one does anything without getting something out of it. Everything is done with a condition attached.

Lets start with the most basic example. Our livelihoods. Back in the day, people survived without bills, bill,bills and got along with a barter system. Even then, no one gave each other free things without expecting something in return. Even if the person concerned didn't give something back right away, there was always that expectation that they would give it eventually. Right. That waiting part only lasted for so long. Eventually everyone realized they can't be Mr. Nice Guy anymore and that there has to be a strict order of giving and taking at the same time. So that's how money replaced trust.

Well money is still one of those conditions that rule our way of living, but its not the only way. SEX, drugs, lies, videotape, rock N roll, are all conditions. There are hundreds, thousands of conditions, but the ones I mentioned are the most interesting. Oh don't give me that knowing look. You don't know anything. Because if you disagree with the fact that SEX, drugs, lies, videotape, rock N roll are all calculated motivations in this very world we live in then buddy you need to wake up and smell the pollution.

Its been nearly 5 months since MJ left us and went on to a better place. Everything from the lawsuits, the controversy's, the conspiracies, etc have died down. Then BAM.. Los Angeles decides it wants something back for hosting the memorial for the king of pop at Staples Centre. And you'll never guess what it is. GUESS..just try..come on..MONEY. wow go figure. Apparently L.A spent about $3.2 million to help pull off the memorial in terms of providing security and extensive police presence around the venue. Funny right? They are asking the event management company AEG, that owns Staples Centre to cough up the cash. Whats ironic about that is that Michael has generated so much money for the city which boasts of the Lakers and other money making machines. Yes so I get that Americans are still dealing with layoffs and the whole recession monster, but pay back for things that they never really asked for? Seriously. And we thought they did it out of the kindess of their hearts. RIGHT. The entire escapade and proceedings brought in about $4 million in revenue for the city with all the tourists and fans who gathered, with hotel stays, restaurant bills, transportation and other transactions. hmm.. So I know I am bad at math and all that but technically that means L.A. made profits because of the whole thing. So yes no one does anything for anyone. Ask Michael who died alone and in debt. Oops sorry you cant ask him right because his "caring" doctor helped him OD.

Just like no one in this world is permanent, no one in this world is unselfish or unconditional. That's the ugly truth. When a guys say he loves you unconditionally its rubbish. When a girl says the same thing its rubbish too. I don't think there is a point in saying things like that. We all need each other to get something we need or want. The sooner we realize that the better.

Take me for instance. I do a lot of nice things for people and people call me "Mother Theresa".

I say "Don't litter" when what I really mean is " Dude because you are littering, I might have to die sooner than I thought because you are contributing to global warming, you wiener! And you call me Mother Theresa.

I buy you food and you think wow she's so nice, when really I don't want to be eating alone. I buy you enough food for the week and you think "Mother Theresa", but all I am thinking about is how you're going to love me from now on for doing it.

I wear nice clothes, dress up and you think wow she takes care of herself, when really I don't want you to see how pathetic I am in other ways, so I decide to make myself "acceptable" to hide it all and hey I make you notice and get you to tell me how nice I am looking.

I clean up after you, and you think "Gosh she is such a neat freak", when really I am worried that my head will get messed up if I keep hanging around in this mess.

I do your part of the work and you think "wow she is so dedicated to her work, she is so good", when really I can't trust you with it because you might just end up doing a shi**y job.

I keep cutting your calls and insist on calling you back and you think "She's got so much money, ad she's so sweet for wanting it to spend on me", when really I know you won't stay on the phone for more than 5 minutes and I like speaking for more than that.

::Sigh

I think I just revealed too much. I don't know. I think its just a I-wanna-be-honest phase that I am going through.

Oh how could I forget about the biggest revelation of them all.

You think I write a blog because I need a space to vent, when really I just want you to give me more attention.

XOXO

Conditionally Yours,

The Attention Whore

Douche-Bag Syndrome

Now I am not one to use profanities or cuss a lot, but I cant stop myself from appreciating the word douchebag. It's so easy on the tongue and sounds more like a french delicacy than a bad word.

Today I stand completely inspired by two women who have risen up and fought against the douche bags in their lives. Now the word douche bag is so vague. I mean if taken literally it means a bag that gushes a stream of water. I'm not talking about that. I am talking about the DooouuucccHE Bag. The quintessential jerk of the 21st century. The ass h*le of the millennium. The creep of the year (and most of our life). Its funny how more often than none the douche bag in our lives is a male. I mean I am not a right out feminist here but its true right. Well it is as far as I can see it.

So last week I came across two videos. I know I am a little late in blogging about it. Blame it on the douche bag in my life, my back. Long Story. Now on to the observation.

So I came across Rihanna's tell all with Diane Sawyer on 20/20. Up until now, there has only been speculation and random commentary, but Rihanna herself has never gone on air and on record about the whole Chris Brown incident. I hate to call it an incident because an incident is just something that happens and you tend to forget about it just as soon. This cannot be forgotten. Domestic abuse is something that we hear about all the time. But the problem is you never think it will happen to you so you tend to ignore the fact that it is happening to others. Selfish as we are, we cant help it. It won't happen to us will it? It could I'm afraid. So Rihanna goes on record and reveals everything. So why did the Douche bag in question resort to shoving, biting and punching the Barbadian Diva? Oh the silly woman looked through his messages and saw dirty messages from his ex girlfriend. Oh yeah I would totally knock someone around silly for that. TOTALLY. Douche Bag number 1= Chris Brown. What the heck was he thinking and did he seriously think she wouldn't want to pour her heart out on national television? He needs to be dismissed and sent to Douche bag hell. But Rihanna's new video features hottie Dr. Jackson Avery from Grey's Anatomy. Me thinks she should just start canoodling with him. Ahem Ahem. If she doesn't I will! As far as Chris Brown is concerned..maybe he should stop trying to reach out to Rihanna. His new video for the single "Crawl" is pathetic. I mean come on, casting Cassie (aka Rihanna wannabe) with a half bald head as the ex? SERIOUSLY? J.T. did it better with "Cry me a river". Back then it was bold. Now its just stupid.

The other Douchebag is another young musician who just thinks too much of himself. Yes its one of the Jo Bros. Taylor Swifts ex, Joe Jonas. So Taylor comes out with this song called 'the Monologue' on SNL and its hilarious without being over the top, because she mentions two douchebags without being mean. So Joe actually broke poor Tay Tay's heart over the phone. Oh My Gosh. Yes he is totally a douchebag. Who does that? I mean I get that he isn't a MAN yet, I mean a 19 year old boy cant be held responsible for his actions can he? Of course he can. Even small boys have balls. So where did this 19 year olds balls go? I hate that word BALLS but its so apt for the situation you know. Sounds better than guts. Then there was Kanye who had over exposed his ballsyness stealing glory which wasn't even his to begin with. But I dunno. I think there was too much media attention for the whole thing and plus Taylor didn't have any trouble jumping on to another Taylors (::cough::Lautner) bandwagon. So considering she jumped real fast and I am on Edwards team, I think Taylor is a half a douchebag herself. I know I'm biased. Sue me. Go team Edward!

So I can't decide whether Josh Duhamel is a douchebag or not. So rumor has it that he did cheat on Fergalicious Fergie with a stripper. There isn't any real evidence that he did, but then who is to say he didn't. So I guess we can just assume him un-douchebag-worthy till he is incriminated and more evidence surfaces.

Other douchebags include:

1. Manu Sharma for being a moron who thinks he can lie to a public that is so well connected and knows what everyone is doing every minute. Douchebag.

2. Sheila Dixit for giving Manu Sharma bail. Douchebag auntie!

3. Raj Thackeray/Bal Thackerey/ MNS: All those fools who think they can get away with being discriminatory and ignorant. You're a bunch of douchebags. They should just come to terms with the fact that Maharashtra is full of douchebags but not all of them are Marathi speaking. I suggest you learn to live in harmony with your fellow douche bags. Also, what do you get out of setting fire to inanimate objects like movie posters of Kurbaan? Does it set your devilish souls at ease or do you enjoy burning paper. I dont see you setting your stacks of black money on fire, nor do I see you relaxing after that. Your just sick and need to get lives. Douchebags. All of you.

4. Bruce Springsteen: Sorry "Boss", I love your music but how could you go on stage in Michigan and scream "Hello Ohio", not once but thrice! Sorry but if you were in India and you said "Hello Bihar" while in Maharasthra, I could only pray for your safety and sanity. Think about eating some ginseng tablets and become more aware of your surroundings!

6. Indian Government: For allowing stupid stuff to happen in this country everyday and have no one taking responsibility for the same. Douche bag country. We seem to have a lot of douchbag moments. Might I refresh your memory: Partition, The Emergency of 1975, 26/11...oh and those are just the more popularly known ones. Every day we have douchebag moments in this country full of douchebags.

7. The Jamiat-Ulema-e-Hind's for declaring a fatwa against the Vande Mataram. Douche bags need to remember that a fatwa is only a suggested rule of law and not a sumpreme law of the land. Sing/Dont Sing the National Song. Its up to you. But douchebags need to learn to think for themselves.

So those were the douchebags of the week, and I am sure there will be many more this week. But these people are all celebrities and prominent personalities/groups. They are expected to be douchebags. Douchebags make the most money. DUH. But that doesn't mean there aren't any douchebags in my life. I have a number of douchebags in my life who I feel should be locked away in douchebag hell. But we wont go there. I think we all have douchebag moments. But let try to avoid having those moments as much as we can. Here are the don'ts that one should avoid to stay out of douchebagness. (Based on true incidents)

Moral of the Story is.....

1. Don't break up with your girlfriend over the phone.
2. Don't go on public television and cry about a douchebag breaking your heart over the phone and then start dating a werewolf who shares your name and expect sympathy from the poor public all the time!
3. Don't jump on stage and steal someones glory.
4. Don't beat your girl (or boy) up silly for going through your messages and questioning you about an ex.
5. Don't write a blog on douchebags. I already did it.
6. Don't run down the stairs. The stairs are douchebags.
7. Don't cheat on your wife with a stripper( or anyone)
8. Don't make a music video with a woman who is known to be a more demented version of your ex.
9. Don't deposit out of station checks in an ancient bank with an unaccepting system. (::cough cough SBfreakinI)
10. Don't grant bail to a rich spoiled homicidal nut case and then feign ignorance when he uses his parole time to go clubbing.
11. Don't use your parole time to go clubbing and get in fights with equally spoiled nut case sons of big fish cops.
12. Don't declare fatwa's
13. Don't follow fatwas blindly without thinking first
14. Don't forget the name of the city in front of a huge concert crowd even if you are "the boss"
15. Dont' recreate the Holoucaust and discriminate against fellow douchebags. How can you discriminate against people that are just as douchebaggy as you.

oh I think I can go on forever...lets just call it a day and hope that we all become less douchebaggy by the day...

All I Want to Do is Have Some Fun...

...and I got a feeling, I'm not the only one....said Sheryl Crowe in the song by the same name..

FUN...what a relative term..Its so simple yet so profound. I don't know how there is even a definition in the dictionary. Websters defines Fun as

a. what provides amusement or enjoyment
b. a mood for finding or making amusement
c. violent or excited activity or argument

Hmm...its still so vague... I mean how many times have you suggested to someone that you should go out and have some fun..Who is to say that you can't have fun at home. It's all in the mind really or if you are me it all depends on the mood.

So yes I have different levels of fun. I can have fun anywhere, anytime, with a crowd, with another person and I am saying this in the least nasty way possible, by myself. But then again there is a time for everything, but right now its time for fun, or at least to dissect it.

So lets work our way down shall we instead of up. Since fun is a relative term and all that jazz, we can't really point fingers at Britney Spears when she talks about having a threesome in her saucy new single '3' now can we? No we cannot. Excuse yourself. But seriously, its her idea of fun. So this is what she has to say about indulging in the idea of a menage a trois :

Merrier the more
Triple fun that way
Twister on the floor
What do you say?

Are - you in
Livin' in sin is the new thing (yeah)
Are - you in
I am countin'!

Three is a charm
Two is not the same
I don't see the harm
So are you game?

Hmm..So three is makes it more fun? Am i getting this right. Yes so three was always by favourite number but I'm not sure about having fun the way Britney describes it, unless of course you give me both Justin and Johnny (Depp) at the same time. But since that aint happening in this lifetime, I would say no to Britney's idea of fun.

Lets move on to Rihanna. I always thought she was my soul sista, singing about all the things I'm feeling and more. Then she had to go and come up with the song called " Russian Roulette". I know Lady Gaga says "Russian Roulette aint the same without a gun" in 'Poker Face', but did Rihanna have to take Lady Gaga of all the people so seriously. Yes it seems she did. Read and weep:

Take a breath, take it deep
Calm yourself, he says to me
If you play, you play for keeps
Take a gun, and count to three
I’m sweating now, moving slow
No time to think, my turn to go
And you can see my heart beating
You can see it through my chest
And I’m terrified but I’m not leaving
Know that I must pass this test
So just pull the trigger
:BANG

Okay digital Rihanna died. Rihanna has a demented idea of what fun is..But we all get our kicks somehow. She gets hers by taking a chance with her life. Props to her. But it aint my cup of hot chocolate.

What about a Ladies night like Kool and the Gang sang about..yes sing a long.." Oh this is ladies night..and the feelings right..oh this is ladies night..oh what a night. Though I personally dig the Lil Kim version better. I mean come on the whole idea of a Ladies nights sounds better like this:

Uhh, never the one, packin a gun
Got some other raw chicks for that, lay your ass flat
I be the one chockin ya paragraphs, with laughs
Getcha back up on the right path
Ain't no stoppin me ladies from club hoppin gets my rock on
From flavors still frozen at Paradise joint
Booty shakin with the glass in my left one
Right hand sayin step...son
To me my girls is fancy fly bitc**s
Too my ni**az straight snitches, to them other chicos
Lady pimp ain't havin that shit
If you ain't got the cash to stash, suck my di*k hoes
Strictly a bell ringer
Lay another finger on this big bad one miss lady rap singer
I be the one to blame as the flames keep risin
To the top and it don't stop

Yes a night out with the girls is definitely fun, but its not fun all the time. In fact sometimes it can be overkill. Anyone who says they want a ladies night every night is either single or lesbian. Sorry, no offense. I have been down the single road my whole life practically. But things change. You move on. As you mature, grow and change as a person so does your idea of fun.

You might be wondering why I am not mentioning songs by men about fun..that's because I take pride in calling myself a woman, though I went through years and years of being a "Tom boy"...why the heck is it tom and not tim, or john, or rich..or something else..

Anyways yes so none of these "fun" things appeal to me on a day to day basis. I would rather sit back relax, watch a movie on my lap top, read a book or listen to some music. That is my idea of fun.

Now If had to make a list of all the fun moments I have had in the past few months I've been in Bangalore they would be as follows (in no particular order):

1. Night out at Zara's with Nandini and Chippy and an obscenely high check.
2. Mother and Brother visiting me in my new found domestic bliss.
3. Sudu's visit and office bunking expedition.
4. Mid week madness @ the Beach.
5. Every day at Radio Indigo is fun. (even the late nights, like when Shwetha, Nidhi and Sri Ram suffered with me).
6. Every weekend when I catch up on my weekly dose of Gossip Girl, Melrose Place, Flash Forward, etc
7. Lunch with Mitin every day for an entire week where he paid most of the time..yippie
8. My uncles house is fun all the time, because it is the one place where I am free to do whatever I want, whenever I want, no questions asked.
9. When Hijaz, Nandini, Partha, Chippy, Samiha, Swati cook for me.
10. Watching Kaminey in an empty theater and Taking of Pelham 123 with a "fun" person.
11. Meeting Neelima, Madhu and Nida, together and separately on any occasion.
12. Watching Shuba lead a fashion show at Nabs house with the rest of the gang following instructions while half drunk...totally fun
13. Spending time in my bed, aimlessly every Saturday and Sunday with my favourite pillow.

Phew..okay so Call me boring, call me sad, call me a loser. What ever floats your boat. But I am happy with my fun.

But from what I hear..living in SIN is the new thing..and since I am a trend spotter and "trendsetter" in my own little world, I might just jump on the SIN full bandwagon..but don't hold your breath.

Suitcase Full of Memories

It was Cyndi Lauper who first said this in her song "Time after Time". So today as I am sitting in office trying to concentrate on new concepts for the jazz festival, I find myself going back to way back when. Back to those moments in life that were defining, at times life altering, at times forgettable and at times funny. If you're someone like me, who has attended at least 15 different educational institutions in her 20 years of education, who has lived in 2 of the 7 continents, who has a best friend in different parts of the world, and who prides her self as being an global citizen, then to have a suitcase full of memories is an understatement, but still. It sounds good doesn't it? So hop into my virtual time machine as I take you Back to the future and countdown my best memories that helped make me who I am. This ought to be good.

Warning: Explicit content follows. Do not get offended by any of the incidents. They didn't happen to you, they happened to me. You are free to do some background research and check the accuracy.

PS- Just for your reference I was born in1985. Will help paint the entire picture more clearly.


Anything before 1989 is a blur. Excuse me if I cannot remember. I am only human. Plus I don't think you want me to mention the detail of being a tiny tot. Peeing in my diaper. Eating poop and anything else I could get my hands on. Being a big tub of blubber. Making unidentifiable noises and talking utter gibberish. You get the point. Don't act like you didn't do the same. Now on to the memories. Pre-school was full of play doe. Most of which I ate. Weird Salty taste. But I turned out pretty healthy.

1989. Kindergarten. So I was a 4 year old kid in an Islamic school in Garden Grove, Orange County, California. I learned Arabic and to set the record straight they didn't teach me how to hold a gun. The most memorable thing? Well lets just say I had a loud mouth. I questioned everything. I thought I was going to die back then because every day my nose would bleed profusely. And I pissed off my teacher on countless occasions and led her to the point of complete madness. In fact she screamed these words at me, " You bloody Indian". She was Pakistani. Go figure. So kindergarten. I was the weird nose bleeder who was also an Indian terrorist. All at the age of 4. Not bad eh? Yeah I had an early start.

1989, December27th- My 4th birthday at Disneyland. Sucked big time. I could only go on the kiddie rides because I wasn't tall enough to go on the bigger and badder rides. I cried and cried until Goofy, or the live sized version of Goofy rather, came and made my life better. Goofy is the man!...ok GOOFY IS THE CHARACTER. December 31. How did my parents and I bring in the New Year? With Salman Khan in Maine Pyar Kiya. I experienced love for the first time at the age of four, and I never forgot Salman after that. He was my hero and he still is. ::SIGH..Don't hate. True love never dies.

1990: After Salman came "New Kids on the Block". The first boy band (not the last) that I loved. By the age of 5 I had memorized the words to "Sweet Caroline" after my dad infused the Neil Diamond version in my head. Sorry Elvis. Neil helped me get obsessed with music. But your still the king. Following Neil, I hear that "Dancing Queen" was my first attempt and a Broadway production, singing and dancing included.

1991- 1992: 1st and 2nd grade was a breeze. I was chubby as ever but I did exceptionally well in sports and all the activities associated with boys. I won the long jump and the 100 ft sprint. Can you believe it. The fat kid prevailed. I was such a boy at this age that I think my parents got scared about my orientation and put my in Ballet classes. Yuck. Wrong decision. Putting a tom boy with short hair and duck feet in ballet shoes and a tutu. Disastrous. I lasted 6 months before I feigned injury. Hallelujah.

1993: Ace of Base. My first music album that was entirely mine and not my dads. I was a believer. Pop music was my life. I got the cd on my 8th birthday and I never looked back. It was by far the best birthday ever, with tons of gifts, a big party, a big puffy dress with a fake bow on my boy cut haired head and a lot of attention from everyone. Perfect.

1994: Disneyland was better at the age of 9. I could go on all the rides and I saw Michael Jackson. And as I recall it, I was a calm and composed 9 year old who just exclaimed at the site of the most famous pop star ever. According to my dad, I nearly had a heart attack at the age of 9 because I couldn't stop hyperventilating. I suggest you put both our stories together to understand the situation in its entirety.

1995-1997 Fourth grade was cool. It was at Beatty Elementary that I spent 3 years without moving. I was introduced to hip hop by the Spanish kid named Alex that sat next to me. Tupac had arrived, but not struck yet. 5th and 6th grade were my sunshine years, I excelled in school and for a change didn't get report cards that were bombarded with teacher remarks like "She's a bright kid but talks to much. She is capable of so much more". Aww Humbug. 6th grade I got my first pair of bell bottoms and got the coolest hair style in town, The layer cut. Yes I was on my way to girl hood. As I was ready to enter girl hood, Leonardo Dicaprio took over my life. Titanic Mania started and he was my poster boy. Even my mom and dad indulged me in the mania. I went on to see Titanic 12 times in the theater alone and "My heart will Go on" was my anthem. I used to sing it in the mirror to the boy I thought was waiting somewhere for me.. ha. that's funny. I have to laugh.

1998-1999: Junior High school. By far the toughest, craziest, weirdest, most life altering two years of my life. I entered as a tomboy but was ready to convert. However I could never break free. I was type cast. Stuck in my tomboy glory where guys thought of me as their friends and not girls they could like. I was in Honors classes and I was also Secretary of the student body and an editor of the school newspaper. I had it all, except the boy I liked. ::sigh...ok ok maybe not just one boy but, many. There are three memories I will never forget from junior high. The first one was when I had to go give my leadership speech and ask the class to vote for me. It was the scariest experience but one that I will never forget. Believe it or not I started by speech with borrowed words from Martin Luther King. " I have a dream...."The second memory is of my substitute teacher who has featured in another blog. Sam. He was the first older man in my life who paid me enough and more attention. He was that man. The man who made me feel like a woman without even knowing it. He's also the man who I fell in front of the whole class for. Yes. That's a day I will never forget. Junior High was full of talk on drugs, sex and alcohol. None of which I had interest in. I was too caught up with *NSYNC. The boy band of my dreams and at that point the very reason for my existence. By far the best memory from Junior high was my first NSYNC concert. It was perfect. Justin Timberlake was my new love. my new poster boy. my new reason for breathing. Yes it was that dramatic and intense.

2000-2003: High school. Yes its exactly like what you see on TV and in movies. The cliques. The identity crises. The bullies. The undeniable bonds and friendships. The crushes. The heartbreaks. The dances. The first kiss. The first heartbreak. The first real non celebrity love. I experienced it all. However unlike in the movies, I had four different schools in three different countries, in four years. In these four years I made the best friends who I still love and keep in touch with, the best *NSYNC concert (June 9, 2000), and my new found passion. Dance. However i was a closet dancer. I mean don't misunderstand. I did all the compulsory family gathering entertainment dances, I did the wedding dances, but it was dancing on a stage that gave me an undeniable unexplainable high. It was when I 17 that I indulged in my first under age activity. I got into a club without id to see Snoop Dogg and Xhibit. It was all worth it. Even if I am a criminal and committed a misdemeanor, at least I saw Snoop and got an unforgettable memory in the process. I graduated and finally made it to adulthood. It wasn't easy and without difficulty. In between all the fun came the near failed attempt at graduating, the SATs, Prom (that I didn't go to) and future changing decisions. Till now their were the Sabrinas, Cristinas, Marnitas, Aamirs, Afshins, Vareeshas, Maryams, Sonias, Subhanas, Nimas, Amrutas, Bineeshs, Johns, Phillips, Mohits, Monals, Brandons, Mujahids, Fahads. There were the good byes.

2004-2007: I made the wise decision to change countries and come to India. I was a confused Indian born, America returned Desi. Phew. Try finding a short form for that. I had the OC to remind me of the better and worse days. For the first time in my life I experienced what it felt like being in an all girls college. St. Francis College. I mean even in the Islamic school I had boys in my class. I was truly deprived, but I can't say I didn't enjoy it. Made the experience all the more fun. I mean come on I read books on what happened in all girls schools. It was fun. I became wiser, became bolder, and had a clearer goal in front of me. Just give me television, movies or music and I knew I had a future in it. Aristotle met Coleridge and Salt N Peppa. There was the youth and youth magazines. With fun meetings, cool bosses, neat co workers, and experiences galore. There were sleep overs, meeting boys on the side out of college, bunking, and long exam papers. There were Teachers day performances and There were crazy teachers. There were sons of teachers who helped me experience new things and brought sunshine. There were friends who encouraged my craziness. There were driving incidents where I drove on the wrong side of the road. The Mother Karunas. The psycho Priyas. The lean Shanti and the "mean" Nidhi. The fruity Farhas. The cheaters. The good ones. French Class. YUCK. Enough said.

2007-2009: SIMC. I loved it. Hated it. dreaded it. There were the incredible 8. The rakhi brothers. Prerna apartments. "Going with the Flow". Old Monk. Cutting Chai and wada pav at the Tapri. Aerobics and yoga aches. Photoshop pains. Convergent dreams. Greys Anatomy. Weight loss. Mother Theresa episodes. Bombay Madness with groping, poverty, insomnia and near death experiences. Footprint the FOC and FOC the DAM. Authoritarians and tyrants. Jail like hostels. "Smoke free" zones. Jumping the fence. Late Night Edits. Gossip Girls and Gossip Boys. Kabhi Sauten Kabhi Saheli. Panic attacks. Deliberation and the Deliberators. Suffocating room with a dysfunctional AC. Goa trips and other explorations. Bangalore dreams. The scandals and speculations. The revelations. Weight Gain. The freshers and the farewells.

Here on out, its a fresh clean slate. No more teachers in the classroom, only in the real world. No more absences or bunking sessions, only controlled attendance and pay slips. There are so many memories to revisit and so many I would like to forget. Whatever the case. It's been a trip so far. Thank you for coming along.