The Truth About Dogs- The Telugu/Muslim Girl Chronicles

It bothers me that there is so much wrong with the world. I mean we keep saying look at the bright side, but with all this wrong fogging up the air, it's hard to find the right and bright part. It's all thanks to the dogs.

I don't mean the furry canine creatures who are known to be man's best friend. I am talking about man and at times wo(man), but mostly man. No offense to the furry creatures. Just embracing the 21st century lingo.

So I took this personality test today and it turns out I am a type 6 personality. Here is what that means:

"Sixes need security and they look for that security in loyalty to someone or something outside themselves. They want boundaries within which to operate, rules to follow, an authority figure to whom they can give their allegiance. The rules or structure reduce uncertainty, as does loyalty. Because they are so dependent on the expectations of others, they live with a greater amount of anxiety than other types. Sixes are sensitive to the possibility of worst case outcomes and so tend to imagine the worst, without realizing that they have not paid equal attention to imagining the best"- http://www.personalityonline.com

So maybe I am a schmuck for taking a personality quiz in the first place, but I really had to see where I fit in this bad bad world. I mean I feel disgusted looking at the things we talk about on the news. Sometimes when I hear certain things and when I when I experience certain things, my anger and sadness bring out the Telugu and Muslim in me. No both are not directly related to one another, but they are related to me.

So this whole Telengana issue has been bombarding our airwaves for the past two weeks, thanks to Mr. KCR's fast unto death drama. Well it seems to have worked because the Government of India has given into this suicidal decision. So the bifurification of Andhra Pradesh might happen. That's great. My whole sense of already distorted belonging will just get further fragmented. Yippie. Partisan crooky politics really seems to be paying off eh?

Someone asked me...someone I'd rather not mention or think about..asked me..what do you care about the separation. You have nothing to do with Andhra. I blew a fuse. I have everything to do with Andhra. I was born in coastal Andhra, in a town called Nellore. You probably get your rice, sugar or cultured prawns from my ancestors fields. If not, you or someone you are remotely or distantly related to lives in one my families many owned flats or houses in Hyderabad. Sorry for being a narcissistic and obsessively compulsive Telugu extremist, but when the s*it hits the fan, the s*it really hits the fan, and I have everything to do with Andhra, and that too a united one. BIATCH. no. DOG.

We cried foul when the foreigners of the British Raj decided to deplete our resources, oppress and discriminate against us. But when our own "brothers" do it that's unity of economics? Wow. What a world we live in. That's the truth about dogs. Hate others for doing it, but pat ourselves on the back for doing it to our own.

It's not surprising then to see that Mayawati has decided to pitch for a separate Poorvanchal. I believe this woman is going to be the next female Prime Minister of India. Just a gut feeling, but that's a different story. She isn't the only one who is going after the separatist prize. Kashmir wants to be it's own country, the Sikhs want a Khalistan and the otherwise rural and agricultural region of Coorg wants its own state. The buck doesn't stop there. But take a minute to ponder about something. With all these regional issues and interests taking precedence over national issues, aren't we looking towards the disintegration of the nation? Yes. Well we are. Sorry. But what to do? That's the truth about Dogs.

So the other day when I was coming back from Pune to Bangalore, after the bestest day of my life (cough cough: convocation), I was confronted with this situation of sorts. So the lady at the check in counter decides that my name sounds too Muslim for her. Wow go figure. Anyways I didn't know that. So I hand her mine and my two other friends flight info so that she can issue us our boarding passes. My two friends have very Hindu, and essentially Indian sounding names. Doesn't matter that one name rhymes with Hippy and the other one with Party. Whatever. So she hands over their boarding passes, but takes a good ten minutes to hand over mine. Coincidence. Maybe. Deliberate. Maybe. Prejudice. Maybe.

Now if that wasn't silly enough (I mean silly enough to put my I'm-agnostic-and-have-no-identity-to-relate-with self back into place), then I had to deal with a doctor pointing out my supposedly Muslim traits. I go to him with a excessive regurgitation problem and he tells me, "Your Muslim right?", before I can answer and explain myself, he says "Stop eating oily food". I could have screamed right there and then had it not been for my otherwise composed (and weak) self. Thanks Doc for pointing out my Muslimy oily food eating behavior, that I was not aware of. A real eye opener to say the least. An ode to the Dogs.

So yes. Behind my I-am-a-global-citizen exterior lies a Telugu and Muslim child who is proud of her roots. Yes my roots. My dog eat dog roots. My its a dogs world roots. My all dogs go to heaven roots. Damn. It's a Dogs world.

It wasn't a case of mistaken identity. I mean I do have a very Muslim sounding name. And whether I like it or not I have been heavily influenced by the ideologies of Islam and Muslims. But Muslims are not bad, they are not all terrorists and they don't only eat oily food. Get over your Islamophobia and learn more about the intricacies of the religion. I didn't coin the term. No. The dogs did.

Kofi Annan said "When the world is compelled to coin a new term to take account of increasingly widespread bigotry, that is a sad and troubling development. Such is the case with Islamophobia"

Yes. Its is a sad and troubling development, just like it is a sad and troubling world. Maybe there is a lot that has gone wrong with the Islamic world. But we aren't doing anything to make it better. Obama ordered more troops into Afghanistan, a move to remove the remnants of any war I believe.

Dogs need to learn to separate the religion from the followers. To separate Islam from the Muslims.

So that's it. I am tired of being seen as the national other. Whether it is as a Muslim, as an Andhraite, as a girl.

I leave you with my interpretation or rather my re-creation of the "I'm Sandra Dee" song in Grease.

Look at me, I'm Shagufta Harita Reddy Ahmed, lousy with familiarity
I get all red because you make me feel dead, and after all I'm just me
Watch it, hey, I'm Doris Day, I was not brought up that way
Won't come across me fighting in the streets being mean
Because I walk around swearing to be oh soo clean
I don't drink or swear, I won't rat my hair,
I get ill from one cigarette
Keep your filthy paws off my silky drawers.
Because you're a dog , don't make me call a lawyer
All you dogs, I know what you wanna do
Piss me off, because I'm too Muslim or Telugu for you,
You got your crust, I'm no object of lust,
I'm just plain me,
Dogs, let me be, keep that pelvis, hate, prejudice far from me
Just keep your cool, now you're starting to drool
Hey dog, I'm ME

Hey I never claimed to be a mad lyrical genius or a poetess extraordinaire.