The Ocean is Full cuz Everyone is Crying

That explains it...forget science...its pure logic...no wonder 70% of our earth is made up of water.

I wish I could say I coined the title of this post myself. Fortunately Eddie Vedder and the rest of Pearl Jam helped me with this one.

But whats with this year anyways. Everyone is dying. It's like the deathliest year of my life. Now you may be wondering why I am acting like I died and went to the lake of fire. Well let's just put it this way, most of the people that died this year (the celebs of course), have represented a big part of my childhood. And if you count the people who are close to me, who have passed away to hopefully greener pastures, you realize that I m speaking the truth after all, and not just whining or over reacting as usual.

The shadow of death struck first in March when my dear grandfather passed away. I mean it happens right. It's just the cycle of life taking its course. Whats psycho about this whole thing is that a couple of months later, his wife, and my grandmother, decided that she cannot live without her significant other anymore and Joe Black, or whoever her angel of death was granted her wish and took her away. Really Now..weird

It gets even weirder, in one week in June, a whole bunch of celebs that I grew up watching and admired for the most part were snatched from this earth. It all started that fateful day of June 25th, with Michael Jackson. I mean come on. Who in our generation, the generation before us and even the generation after us doesn't or rather didn't know about MJ? He was probably the most known person in the world. Then he died. And a huge part of my childhood went with him. It was horrible. It was like my life was telling me to grow up and move on. He died in naturally unnatural circumstances. But then again what are natural circumstances any more.

With all the stress, pollution and craziness in the world today, no wonder people are landing six feet under the ground, left right and center. So where does that leave the rest of us? Is God going to protect us? I mean all those God fearing citizens, is God going to protect you? Makes me wonder because even 11 out of the 12 apostles were killed or commited suicide. Only poor John died of natural causes, due to old age. Hmm.. So if the King of Pop and Gods "favourites" are not safe, then what happens to us mere mortals?

I mean I can't blame all the deaths in the world on God right. Some people are actually dumb enough to kill themselves, like Judas....or like Kurt Cobain (was it even suicide), or Marc Antony (Cleopatras man whore, not the singer).

But why do they kill themselves? Is the world really such a bad place. Heck Yes. It's horrible. It bites, it kicks, it spits on your face, it paddles you until you feel like crying. But it's really not reason enough to kill yourself.

And if you are a celebrity like Marilyn Monroe, John Belushi, Jim Morrison and Jimi Hendrix then you have probably OD'ed and the world is still recovering from the fact that you did. Could it be homicide, was it suicide or was it just pure stupidity. I choose the latter. Makes the most sense to me and is the simplest explanation. But then I cannot blame all the deaths in the world on mere stupidity.

Cancer took my grandparents, it took Farah Fawcett and Patrick Swayze. Sheesh. Cancer. It really spreads. It's so rampant now I am not surprised when I hear new stories of cancer. Call me hard, call me inhuman. It's true. You become immune to these things after a while. That's probably why it's so easy for me to talk about death now.

Don't get me wrong. I am freakin terrified out of my wits of death. Every time I cross the street I can help but think to myself that a bus will come out of no where and run me over. Kind of like Final Destination. Or if I sit in an auto I keep thinking that my auto will spin out of control and go flying off a flyover. Really. When my head starts hurting I diagnose myself and claim to have a brain tumor. Why? Because once when I was a kid I met a girl who complained of a headache and the next thing you know she was bald from all the chemo therapy. Go figure.

So news of Brittany Murphy dying didn't really come as a shocking surprise, but came like sad news. And of course no one really knows how she died. There is only speculation. So much for our intelligent quotient. So more about Britanny Murphy. What does she have to do with me? Well she stared in "Clueless". Duh. Now most of you might argue that the movie was all about Alicia Silverstone's character, Cher. But most of us gawky, "unpretty", slightly over weight (okay over weight) adolescents of the nineties related to Tai! She was us. The weird one who transforms into the babe. I grow up loving "Clueless" and still consider it one of my favorite movies of all time. So the fact that Brittany died, at a horribly young age of 32, makes me wonder about the value of life and the whole process of death.

Most of the people who passed away did long fulfilling lives. As Nickel back say in their song, " You Grow up quick when You grow up Poor". So these celebs had a lot of money and werent poor in the actual sense. But seriously speaking, they were poor in the life department. They danced and did what they did according to what we wanted. And when you grow up quick, you tend to see everything, and have that whole aura of "been there, done that" around you. So people like Brittany and MJ dying, should we feel bad. I mean because of us and the paparazzi, they had to grow up super fast in front of our eyes. Did we kill them? With all the scrutiny celebs go through, yes, maybe we are to blame.

So why are you even crying? Why am I losing sleep over Brittany and MJ when I could well be the reason for their death? Who the heck am I to feel bad for them? why am I talking about them more than I am talking about my own flesh and blood that I lost this year? I have got it all wrong. I need to slap myself in the face. Everything and everyone is dying around me because of me. Maybe I didn't directly do anything to kill, but I didn't do anything to stop it.

I still look for details on MJ's death after he died. I don't let his soul rest in peace. His children are still being followed while they mourn for their father who we called "Wacko Jacko". Oh and I suppose your father is super normal. Whatever that means.

There is no real point to this blog. What started as a need to vent and mourn turned into an ugly and sad realization. None of us have a good romance with life. It's always a bad romance. And more often than none you get the raw end of the deal because of people like me. I am the epitome of the new angel of death.

Move over Joe Black. Meet Shag Da Intern.