Ever come across a person who is conventionally over weight yet happily goes around claiming that they are happy with the way they look? Well chances are that person is lying and just saying that to make him/herself feel better.
So how do I know this for a fact? Well from personal experience of course. Take it from a girl who has been "curvaceous", "chubby", "voluptuous", "healthy" her whole life. I have spent my entire life defending my excess weight. I have blamed it on everything from bad genes, to bad jeans and of course bad luck.
For 24 good years I have gotten away with it. But things are about to change, or rather have changed. My loyal subjects, I have resorted to registering myself at a gym. Yes. I have sold my soul. Sorry but it was about time.
So why did I take the jump? Mostly because of myself. Okay I'm lying. Partly because of myself. Mostly because of pressure from the world. When I say world I mean all the skinny people....all the fat aunties...people who don't mean to call me fat but call me other nice names which ultimately mean fat.
I am FAT. I have known it my whole life. But how do I explain why I am fat. My whole life I have been healthy, been active in sports and extra curricular activities and to top it all off I come from a long line of good looking fit people. I mean even my parents have been lean. So where did I go wrong? Well I don't really want to waste space and dwell on this any longer.
The fact of the matter is that I need to lose weight. Whether it is to prove to myself and people that I can be svelte, whether it is to make people shut up, whether it is to fit in or be fit in general. No matter what the reason is, I need to do this.
Today was the first day of my "gymming experience". It was great. I was never more determined in my life to do this. I mean I have always said I will not go to the gym. I hate the gym. Its so boring. Yata yata yata. Well things change, people change and mostly opinions change. So I think I have changed as have my opinions.
I'm sure you are also dying to know why I started one day before the New Year starts. Well the way I see it, if I was ever going to start, it won't matter whether I do it one day early or one day late. All that matters is that I do it.
I can't say this is going to be easy. In fact it will be difficult. But I'm not worried. I need to motivate myself. And I won't give up, not matter what you or anyone else thinks or says to me. Whether people help me through this or not is secondary. Now its time to fight. Fight the fat. Fight the haters. Fight the non believers. Sounds like I am going on a crusade. Well this is the ultimate battle for me and what I believe in. Didn't see it coming did you??
Well I am hoping for the best. Encouragement will be appreciated. But I beg you, if you have nothing nice to say about this, then do not say nothing at all. Because the last thing you need is to mess with a over weight, opinionated, hormonal woman who is suffering from a quarter (almost mid) life crisis.
Anyways. HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone. May you get to live up to your resolutions and goals.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
The Ocean is Full cuz Everyone is Crying
That explains it...forget science...its pure logic...no wonder 70% of our earth is made up of water.
I wish I could say I coined the title of this post myself. Fortunately Eddie Vedder and the rest of Pearl Jam helped me with this one.
But whats with this year anyways. Everyone is dying. It's like the deathliest year of my life. Now you may be wondering why I am acting like I died and went to the lake of fire. Well let's just put it this way, most of the people that died this year (the celebs of course), have represented a big part of my childhood. And if you count the people who are close to me, who have passed away to hopefully greener pastures, you realize that I m speaking the truth after all, and not just whining or over reacting as usual.
The shadow of death struck first in March when my dear grandfather passed away. I mean it happens right. It's just the cycle of life taking its course. Whats psycho about this whole thing is that a couple of months later, his wife, and my grandmother, decided that she cannot live without her significant other anymore and Joe Black, or whoever her angel of death was granted her wish and took her away. Really Now..weird
It gets even weirder, in one week in June, a whole bunch of celebs that I grew up watching and admired for the most part were snatched from this earth. It all started that fateful day of June 25th, with Michael Jackson. I mean come on. Who in our generation, the generation before us and even the generation after us doesn't or rather didn't know about MJ? He was probably the most known person in the world. Then he died. And a huge part of my childhood went with him. It was horrible. It was like my life was telling me to grow up and move on. He died in naturally unnatural circumstances. But then again what are natural circumstances any more.
With all the stress, pollution and craziness in the world today, no wonder people are landing six feet under the ground, left right and center. So where does that leave the rest of us? Is God going to protect us? I mean all those God fearing citizens, is God going to protect you? Makes me wonder because even 11 out of the 12 apostles were killed or commited suicide. Only poor John died of natural causes, due to old age. Hmm.. So if the King of Pop and Gods "favourites" are not safe, then what happens to us mere mortals?
I mean I can't blame all the deaths in the world on God right. Some people are actually dumb enough to kill themselves, like Judas....or like Kurt Cobain (was it even suicide), or Marc Antony (Cleopatras man whore, not the singer).
But why do they kill themselves? Is the world really such a bad place. Heck Yes. It's horrible. It bites, it kicks, it spits on your face, it paddles you until you feel like crying. But it's really not reason enough to kill yourself.
And if you are a celebrity like Marilyn Monroe, John Belushi, Jim Morrison and Jimi Hendrix then you have probably OD'ed and the world is still recovering from the fact that you did. Could it be homicide, was it suicide or was it just pure stupidity. I choose the latter. Makes the most sense to me and is the simplest explanation. But then I cannot blame all the deaths in the world on mere stupidity.
Cancer took my grandparents, it took Farah Fawcett and Patrick Swayze. Sheesh. Cancer. It really spreads. It's so rampant now I am not surprised when I hear new stories of cancer. Call me hard, call me inhuman. It's true. You become immune to these things after a while. That's probably why it's so easy for me to talk about death now.
Don't get me wrong. I am freakin terrified out of my wits of death. Every time I cross the street I can help but think to myself that a bus will come out of no where and run me over. Kind of like Final Destination. Or if I sit in an auto I keep thinking that my auto will spin out of control and go flying off a flyover. Really. When my head starts hurting I diagnose myself and claim to have a brain tumor. Why? Because once when I was a kid I met a girl who complained of a headache and the next thing you know she was bald from all the chemo therapy. Go figure.
So news of Brittany Murphy dying didn't really come as a shocking surprise, but came like sad news. And of course no one really knows how she died. There is only speculation. So much for our intelligent quotient. So more about Britanny Murphy. What does she have to do with me? Well she stared in "Clueless". Duh. Now most of you might argue that the movie was all about Alicia Silverstone's character, Cher. But most of us gawky, "unpretty", slightly over weight (okay over weight) adolescents of the nineties related to Tai! She was us. The weird one who transforms into the babe. I grow up loving "Clueless" and still consider it one of my favorite movies of all time. So the fact that Brittany died, at a horribly young age of 32, makes me wonder about the value of life and the whole process of death.
Most of the people who passed away did long fulfilling lives. As Nickel back say in their song, " You Grow up quick when You grow up Poor". So these celebs had a lot of money and werent poor in the actual sense. But seriously speaking, they were poor in the life department. They danced and did what they did according to what we wanted. And when you grow up quick, you tend to see everything, and have that whole aura of "been there, done that" around you. So people like Brittany and MJ dying, should we feel bad. I mean because of us and the paparazzi, they had to grow up super fast in front of our eyes. Did we kill them? With all the scrutiny celebs go through, yes, maybe we are to blame.
So why are you even crying? Why am I losing sleep over Brittany and MJ when I could well be the reason for their death? Who the heck am I to feel bad for them? why am I talking about them more than I am talking about my own flesh and blood that I lost this year? I have got it all wrong. I need to slap myself in the face. Everything and everyone is dying around me because of me. Maybe I didn't directly do anything to kill, but I didn't do anything to stop it.
I still look for details on MJ's death after he died. I don't let his soul rest in peace. His children are still being followed while they mourn for their father who we called "Wacko Jacko". Oh and I suppose your father is super normal. Whatever that means.
There is no real point to this blog. What started as a need to vent and mourn turned into an ugly and sad realization. None of us have a good romance with life. It's always a bad romance. And more often than none you get the raw end of the deal because of people like me. I am the epitome of the new angel of death.
Move over Joe Black. Meet Shag Da Intern.
I wish I could say I coined the title of this post myself. Fortunately Eddie Vedder and the rest of Pearl Jam helped me with this one.
But whats with this year anyways. Everyone is dying. It's like the deathliest year of my life. Now you may be wondering why I am acting like I died and went to the lake of fire. Well let's just put it this way, most of the people that died this year (the celebs of course), have represented a big part of my childhood. And if you count the people who are close to me, who have passed away to hopefully greener pastures, you realize that I m speaking the truth after all, and not just whining or over reacting as usual.
The shadow of death struck first in March when my dear grandfather passed away. I mean it happens right. It's just the cycle of life taking its course. Whats psycho about this whole thing is that a couple of months later, his wife, and my grandmother, decided that she cannot live without her significant other anymore and Joe Black, or whoever her angel of death was granted her wish and took her away. Really Now..weird
It gets even weirder, in one week in June, a whole bunch of celebs that I grew up watching and admired for the most part were snatched from this earth. It all started that fateful day of June 25th, with Michael Jackson. I mean come on. Who in our generation, the generation before us and even the generation after us doesn't or rather didn't know about MJ? He was probably the most known person in the world. Then he died. And a huge part of my childhood went with him. It was horrible. It was like my life was telling me to grow up and move on. He died in naturally unnatural circumstances. But then again what are natural circumstances any more.
With all the stress, pollution and craziness in the world today, no wonder people are landing six feet under the ground, left right and center. So where does that leave the rest of us? Is God going to protect us? I mean all those God fearing citizens, is God going to protect you? Makes me wonder because even 11 out of the 12 apostles were killed or commited suicide. Only poor John died of natural causes, due to old age. Hmm.. So if the King of Pop and Gods "favourites" are not safe, then what happens to us mere mortals?
I mean I can't blame all the deaths in the world on God right. Some people are actually dumb enough to kill themselves, like Judas....or like Kurt Cobain (was it even suicide), or Marc Antony (Cleopatras man whore, not the singer).
But why do they kill themselves? Is the world really such a bad place. Heck Yes. It's horrible. It bites, it kicks, it spits on your face, it paddles you until you feel like crying. But it's really not reason enough to kill yourself.
And if you are a celebrity like Marilyn Monroe, John Belushi, Jim Morrison and Jimi Hendrix then you have probably OD'ed and the world is still recovering from the fact that you did. Could it be homicide, was it suicide or was it just pure stupidity. I choose the latter. Makes the most sense to me and is the simplest explanation. But then I cannot blame all the deaths in the world on mere stupidity.
Cancer took my grandparents, it took Farah Fawcett and Patrick Swayze. Sheesh. Cancer. It really spreads. It's so rampant now I am not surprised when I hear new stories of cancer. Call me hard, call me inhuman. It's true. You become immune to these things after a while. That's probably why it's so easy for me to talk about death now.
Don't get me wrong. I am freakin terrified out of my wits of death. Every time I cross the street I can help but think to myself that a bus will come out of no where and run me over. Kind of like Final Destination. Or if I sit in an auto I keep thinking that my auto will spin out of control and go flying off a flyover. Really. When my head starts hurting I diagnose myself and claim to have a brain tumor. Why? Because once when I was a kid I met a girl who complained of a headache and the next thing you know she was bald from all the chemo therapy. Go figure.
So news of Brittany Murphy dying didn't really come as a shocking surprise, but came like sad news. And of course no one really knows how she died. There is only speculation. So much for our intelligent quotient. So more about Britanny Murphy. What does she have to do with me? Well she stared in "Clueless". Duh. Now most of you might argue that the movie was all about Alicia Silverstone's character, Cher. But most of us gawky, "unpretty", slightly over weight (okay over weight) adolescents of the nineties related to Tai! She was us. The weird one who transforms into the babe. I grow up loving "Clueless" and still consider it one of my favorite movies of all time. So the fact that Brittany died, at a horribly young age of 32, makes me wonder about the value of life and the whole process of death.
Most of the people who passed away did long fulfilling lives. As Nickel back say in their song, " You Grow up quick when You grow up Poor". So these celebs had a lot of money and werent poor in the actual sense. But seriously speaking, they were poor in the life department. They danced and did what they did according to what we wanted. And when you grow up quick, you tend to see everything, and have that whole aura of "been there, done that" around you. So people like Brittany and MJ dying, should we feel bad. I mean because of us and the paparazzi, they had to grow up super fast in front of our eyes. Did we kill them? With all the scrutiny celebs go through, yes, maybe we are to blame.
So why are you even crying? Why am I losing sleep over Brittany and MJ when I could well be the reason for their death? Who the heck am I to feel bad for them? why am I talking about them more than I am talking about my own flesh and blood that I lost this year? I have got it all wrong. I need to slap myself in the face. Everything and everyone is dying around me because of me. Maybe I didn't directly do anything to kill, but I didn't do anything to stop it.
I still look for details on MJ's death after he died. I don't let his soul rest in peace. His children are still being followed while they mourn for their father who we called "Wacko Jacko". Oh and I suppose your father is super normal. Whatever that means.
There is no real point to this blog. What started as a need to vent and mourn turned into an ugly and sad realization. None of us have a good romance with life. It's always a bad romance. And more often than none you get the raw end of the deal because of people like me. I am the epitome of the new angel of death.
Move over Joe Black. Meet Shag Da Intern.
Monday, December 14, 2009
The Truth About Dogs- The Telugu/Muslim Girl Chronicles
It bothers me that there is so much wrong with the world. I mean we keep saying look at the bright side, but with all this wrong fogging up the air, it's hard to find the right and bright part. It's all thanks to the dogs.
I don't mean the furry canine creatures who are known to be man's best friend. I am talking about man and at times wo(man), but mostly man. No offense to the furry creatures. Just embracing the 21st century lingo.
So I took this personality test today and it turns out I am a type 6 personality. Here is what that means:
"Sixes need security and they look for that security in loyalty to someone or something outside themselves. They want boundaries within which to operate, rules to follow, an authority figure to whom they can give their allegiance. The rules or structure reduce uncertainty, as does loyalty. Because they are so dependent on the expectations of others, they live with a greater amount of anxiety than other types. Sixes are sensitive to the possibility of worst case outcomes and so tend to imagine the worst, without realizing that they have not paid equal attention to imagining the best"- http://www.personalityonline.com
So maybe I am a schmuck for taking a personality quiz in the first place, but I really had to see where I fit in this bad bad world. I mean I feel disgusted looking at the things we talk about on the news. Sometimes when I hear certain things and when I when I experience certain things, my anger and sadness bring out the Telugu and Muslim in me. No both are not directly related to one another, but they are related to me.
So this whole Telengana issue has been bombarding our airwaves for the past two weeks, thanks to Mr. KCR's fast unto death drama. Well it seems to have worked because the Government of India has given into this suicidal decision. So the bifurification of Andhra Pradesh might happen. That's great. My whole sense of already distorted belonging will just get further fragmented. Yippie. Partisan crooky politics really seems to be paying off eh?
Someone asked me...someone I'd rather not mention or think about..asked me..what do you care about the separation. You have nothing to do with Andhra. I blew a fuse. I have everything to do with Andhra. I was born in coastal Andhra, in a town called Nellore. You probably get your rice, sugar or cultured prawns from my ancestors fields. If not, you or someone you are remotely or distantly related to lives in one my families many owned flats or houses in Hyderabad. Sorry for being a narcissistic and obsessively compulsive Telugu extremist, but when the s*it hits the fan, the s*it really hits the fan, and I have everything to do with Andhra, and that too a united one. BIATCH. no. DOG.
We cried foul when the foreigners of the British Raj decided to deplete our resources, oppress and discriminate against us. But when our own "brothers" do it that's unity of economics? Wow. What a world we live in. That's the truth about dogs. Hate others for doing it, but pat ourselves on the back for doing it to our own.
It's not surprising then to see that Mayawati has decided to pitch for a separate Poorvanchal. I believe this woman is going to be the next female Prime Minister of India. Just a gut feeling, but that's a different story. She isn't the only one who is going after the separatist prize. Kashmir wants to be it's own country, the Sikhs want a Khalistan and the otherwise rural and agricultural region of Coorg wants its own state. The buck doesn't stop there. But take a minute to ponder about something. With all these regional issues and interests taking precedence over national issues, aren't we looking towards the disintegration of the nation? Yes. Well we are. Sorry. But what to do? That's the truth about Dogs.
So the other day when I was coming back from Pune to Bangalore, after the bestest day of my life (cough cough: convocation), I was confronted with this situation of sorts. So the lady at the check in counter decides that my name sounds too Muslim for her. Wow go figure. Anyways I didn't know that. So I hand her mine and my two other friends flight info so that she can issue us our boarding passes. My two friends have very Hindu, and essentially Indian sounding names. Doesn't matter that one name rhymes with Hippy and the other one with Party. Whatever. So she hands over their boarding passes, but takes a good ten minutes to hand over mine. Coincidence. Maybe. Deliberate. Maybe. Prejudice. Maybe.
Now if that wasn't silly enough (I mean silly enough to put my I'm-agnostic-and-have-no-identity-to-relate-with self back into place), then I had to deal with a doctor pointing out my supposedly Muslim traits. I go to him with a excessive regurgitation problem and he tells me, "Your Muslim right?", before I can answer and explain myself, he says "Stop eating oily food". I could have screamed right there and then had it not been for my otherwise composed (and weak) self. Thanks Doc for pointing out my Muslimy oily food eating behavior, that I was not aware of. A real eye opener to say the least. An ode to the Dogs.
So yes. Behind my I-am-a-global-citizen exterior lies a Telugu and Muslim child who is proud of her roots. Yes my roots. My dog eat dog roots. My its a dogs world roots. My all dogs go to heaven roots. Damn. It's a Dogs world.
It wasn't a case of mistaken identity. I mean I do have a very Muslim sounding name. And whether I like it or not I have been heavily influenced by the ideologies of Islam and Muslims. But Muslims are not bad, they are not all terrorists and they don't only eat oily food. Get over your Islamophobia and learn more about the intricacies of the religion. I didn't coin the term. No. The dogs did.
Kofi Annan said "When the world is compelled to coin a new term to take account of increasingly widespread bigotry, that is a sad and troubling development. Such is the case with Islamophobia"
Yes. Its is a sad and troubling development, just like it is a sad and troubling world. Maybe there is a lot that has gone wrong with the Islamic world. But we aren't doing anything to make it better. Obama ordered more troops into Afghanistan, a move to remove the remnants of any war I believe.
Dogs need to learn to separate the religion from the followers. To separate Islam from the Muslims.
So that's it. I am tired of being seen as the national other. Whether it is as a Muslim, as an Andhraite, as a girl.
I leave you with my interpretation or rather my re-creation of the "I'm Sandra Dee" song in Grease.
Hey I never claimed to be a mad lyrical genius or a poetess extraordinaire.
I don't mean the furry canine creatures who are known to be man's best friend. I am talking about man and at times wo(man), but mostly man. No offense to the furry creatures. Just embracing the 21st century lingo.
So I took this personality test today and it turns out I am a type 6 personality. Here is what that means:
"Sixes need security and they look for that security in loyalty to someone or something outside themselves. They want boundaries within which to operate, rules to follow, an authority figure to whom they can give their allegiance. The rules or structure reduce uncertainty, as does loyalty. Because they are so dependent on the expectations of others, they live with a greater amount of anxiety than other types. Sixes are sensitive to the possibility of worst case outcomes and so tend to imagine the worst, without realizing that they have not paid equal attention to imagining the best"- http://www.personalityonline.com
So maybe I am a schmuck for taking a personality quiz in the first place, but I really had to see where I fit in this bad bad world. I mean I feel disgusted looking at the things we talk about on the news. Sometimes when I hear certain things and when I when I experience certain things, my anger and sadness bring out the Telugu and Muslim in me. No both are not directly related to one another, but they are related to me.
So this whole Telengana issue has been bombarding our airwaves for the past two weeks, thanks to Mr. KCR's fast unto death drama. Well it seems to have worked because the Government of India has given into this suicidal decision. So the bifurification of Andhra Pradesh might happen. That's great. My whole sense of already distorted belonging will just get further fragmented. Yippie. Partisan crooky politics really seems to be paying off eh?
Someone asked me...someone I'd rather not mention or think about..asked me..what do you care about the separation. You have nothing to do with Andhra. I blew a fuse. I have everything to do with Andhra. I was born in coastal Andhra, in a town called Nellore. You probably get your rice, sugar or cultured prawns from my ancestors fields. If not, you or someone you are remotely or distantly related to lives in one my families many owned flats or houses in Hyderabad. Sorry for being a narcissistic and obsessively compulsive Telugu extremist, but when the s*it hits the fan, the s*it really hits the fan, and I have everything to do with Andhra, and that too a united one. BIATCH. no. DOG.
We cried foul when the foreigners of the British Raj decided to deplete our resources, oppress and discriminate against us. But when our own "brothers" do it that's unity of economics? Wow. What a world we live in. That's the truth about dogs. Hate others for doing it, but pat ourselves on the back for doing it to our own.
It's not surprising then to see that Mayawati has decided to pitch for a separate Poorvanchal. I believe this woman is going to be the next female Prime Minister of India. Just a gut feeling, but that's a different story. She isn't the only one who is going after the separatist prize. Kashmir wants to be it's own country, the Sikhs want a Khalistan and the otherwise rural and agricultural region of Coorg wants its own state. The buck doesn't stop there. But take a minute to ponder about something. With all these regional issues and interests taking precedence over national issues, aren't we looking towards the disintegration of the nation? Yes. Well we are. Sorry. But what to do? That's the truth about Dogs.
So the other day when I was coming back from Pune to Bangalore, after the bestest day of my life (cough cough: convocation), I was confronted with this situation of sorts. So the lady at the check in counter decides that my name sounds too Muslim for her. Wow go figure. Anyways I didn't know that. So I hand her mine and my two other friends flight info so that she can issue us our boarding passes. My two friends have very Hindu, and essentially Indian sounding names. Doesn't matter that one name rhymes with Hippy and the other one with Party. Whatever. So she hands over their boarding passes, but takes a good ten minutes to hand over mine. Coincidence. Maybe. Deliberate. Maybe. Prejudice. Maybe.
Now if that wasn't silly enough (I mean silly enough to put my I'm-agnostic-and-have-no-identity-to-relate-with self back into place), then I had to deal with a doctor pointing out my supposedly Muslim traits. I go to him with a excessive regurgitation problem and he tells me, "Your Muslim right?", before I can answer and explain myself, he says "Stop eating oily food". I could have screamed right there and then had it not been for my otherwise composed (and weak) self. Thanks Doc for pointing out my Muslimy oily food eating behavior, that I was not aware of. A real eye opener to say the least. An ode to the Dogs.
So yes. Behind my I-am-a-global-citizen exterior lies a Telugu and Muslim child who is proud of her roots. Yes my roots. My dog eat dog roots. My its a dogs world roots. My all dogs go to heaven roots. Damn. It's a Dogs world.
It wasn't a case of mistaken identity. I mean I do have a very Muslim sounding name. And whether I like it or not I have been heavily influenced by the ideologies of Islam and Muslims. But Muslims are not bad, they are not all terrorists and they don't only eat oily food. Get over your Islamophobia and learn more about the intricacies of the religion. I didn't coin the term. No. The dogs did.
Kofi Annan said "When the world is compelled to coin a new term to take account of increasingly widespread bigotry, that is a sad and troubling development. Such is the case with Islamophobia"
Yes. Its is a sad and troubling development, just like it is a sad and troubling world. Maybe there is a lot that has gone wrong with the Islamic world. But we aren't doing anything to make it better. Obama ordered more troops into Afghanistan, a move to remove the remnants of any war I believe.
Dogs need to learn to separate the religion from the followers. To separate Islam from the Muslims.
So that's it. I am tired of being seen as the national other. Whether it is as a Muslim, as an Andhraite, as a girl.
I leave you with my interpretation or rather my re-creation of the "I'm Sandra Dee" song in Grease.
Look at me, I'm Shagufta Harita Reddy Ahmed, lousy with familiarity
I get all red because you make me feel dead, and after all I'm just me
Watch it, hey, I'm Doris Day, I was not brought up that way
Won't come across me fighting in the streets being mean
Because I walk around swearing to be oh soo clean
I don't drink or swear, I won't rat my hair,
I get ill from one cigarette
Keep your filthy paws off my silky drawers.
Because you're a dog , don't make me call a lawyer
All you dogs, I know what you wanna do
Piss me off, because I'm too Muslim or Telugu for you,
You got your crust, I'm no object of lust,
I'm just plain me,
Dogs, let me be, keep that pelvis, hate, prejudice far from me
Just keep your cool, now you're starting to drool
Hey dog, I'm ME
I get all red because you make me feel dead, and after all I'm just me
Watch it, hey, I'm Doris Day, I was not brought up that way
Won't come across me fighting in the streets being mean
Because I walk around swearing to be oh soo clean
I don't drink or swear, I won't rat my hair,
I get ill from one cigarette
Keep your filthy paws off my silky drawers.
Because you're a dog , don't make me call a lawyer
All you dogs, I know what you wanna do
Piss me off, because I'm too Muslim or Telugu for you,
You got your crust, I'm no object of lust,
I'm just plain me,
Dogs, let me be, keep that pelvis, hate, prejudice far from me
Just keep your cool, now you're starting to drool
Hey dog, I'm ME
Hey I never claimed to be a mad lyrical genius or a poetess extraordinaire.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
A Victim of Character Assasination
Save me...for I have been victimized by ruthless mortals who have scarred me and branded me with everything but the scarlet letter. I am at no fault. I am innocent. I am a victim of character assassination.
I was not aware that one could die such a horrible death. Its worse than the kind where you are permanently ejected from this world. It is the kind where you are murdered and then told to stick around and face the aftermath.
29 years ago, on this day, John Lennon was assassinated by Mark David Chapman in front of his own house. Some might say that he was lucky enough to die in front of his own house, others might say that it was a tragedy that the world will never forget and will never let the generations to come forget. Right.
But Lennon like JFK, Rajiv Gandhi, Abraham Lincoln, Tupac, Martin Luther King, Malcolm X and Mahatma himself were of the luckier kind. This is not to say that their deaths went unnoticed or that it was fair for them to die, to be killed, to be stripped of the life that was meant to be lived for longer. They died. Doesn't matter how, where or under what circumstances, but they died. Just like that.
So yes maybe we can feel sorry for them because they were more or less young and had a full life ahead of them, but I can proudly claim that they are in a place where no one can harm them. I'm not specifying whether they are in heaven or in the lake of fire where all bad people go when they die. That's a whole other argument.
Granted that their deaths may have been painful and excruciating on themselves and the people around them. Assassinations are usually like that right. A public and prominent figure is killed without a fair warning, or so we think.
So that's an assassination, but what is character assassination or CharAss? does it only apply to eminent and prominent individuals? What about us lesser mortals who suffer at the hands of malicious gossip and slandering lies. What do we do? Who will listen to us or feel bad for us?
Unlike an assassination, CharAss does not happen only once to us. It is a recurring menace that never leaves. It happens to more or less everyone but some people just get the raw end of the deal. CharAss does not only apply to those douche bags who do wrong, feign ignorance to only come out and admit their wrong doing. Are you listening Bill, Chris, Tiger and Roman?
CharAss applies to you and me, people who are innocent till proven guilty. CharAss is fatal and painful. It tears us apart and is so potent that if consumed in large doses, can lead to hallucination and actual belief of the tale. Keep calling someone a terrorist, slut or murderer (even if not), that person may just start believing it. It's so easy to judge isn't it. In fact, it's frighteningly enjoyable and relieving. So as long as you are CharAssing someone else, you are out of the radar and safe from it. But not for long.
Women have been subjected to CharAss for the longest time. The Scarlet Letter. Heard of it? Well it's not a bitch, it''s definitely a bastard. Has to be male. I'm not a puritan and I don't encourage infidelity, but if you did it then you pay for it. But if you didn't do it then you shouldn't have to suffer because of it. And if you did it and everyone else is also doing it then it cant be a sin anymore. Whats wrong in searching for the pure moral blossom? I don't know if it exists.
Men have also been subjected to CharAss. Take OJ Simpson. The man is anything but innocent, but he was proven not guilty. He is guilty of beating up his wife and abusing her, but did he kill Nicole? Well the courts and jury members said no. I guess we will never really know. He is running Scot free. Good for him right? Wrong, because even though he was released from judicial custody almost a decade ago, he has died many deaths since, CharAss deaths that is. He has been branded with a capital M for Murder.
What about Michael Jackson? He died physically a few months ago after an alleged OD, but while he was alive he was CharAssed continuously. Why? Because he was supposedly a pedophile and obsessive and compulsive cosmetic surgery recipient. Oh snaps. He died before he Od'ed. We, the media, his frenemies, his rivals, his fans all led to his actual death. Maybe we helped put the poor guy out of his misery. But we are left here to deal with our own troubles and we don't care to think about his poor children who were probably just as tormented as he himself was.
In her 2007 hit song, "Piece of Me", Britney Spears talks about CharAss as best as she could. In a electro poppy take-me-seriously-because-i-am-serious song. She sings or lip syncs:
I'm Miss American Dream since I was 17
Don't matter if I step on the scene
Or sneak away to the Philippines
They're still gonna put pictures of my derriere in the magazine
You want a piece of me?
I'm Mrs. Lifestyles of the rich and famous
I'm Mrs. Oh my God that Britney's Shameless
I'm Mrs. Extra! Extra! this just in
I'm Mrs. she's too big now she's too thin
You want a piece of me
I'm Mrs. 'You want a piece of me?'
Tryin' and pissin' me off
Well get in line with the paparazzi
Who's flippin' me off
Hopin' I'll resort to some havoc
And end up settlin' in court
I'm Mrs. 'Most likely to get on the TV for strippin' on the streets'
When getting the groceries, no, for real..
Are you kidding me?
So did I really have to resort to using a Britney Spears song to talk about how pathetic we are, about how low we are, about how utterly and disgustingly heartless we are to go and talk smack about anyone and everyone, regardless of whether we know the person or not. Yes. I did need to use her as an example.
Why stop at her. What about my favourite feminist philosopher, Lady Gaga. Do you even know her real name? Well you ignorant karma chameleons, its Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta, and yes she likes women and men, which makes her bisexual and not a hermaphrodite. And do you even blame her for liking women more than men. Are there even any men left after Clark Gable or John Wayne? No? Didn't think so.
And what about me? Your own dear precious ShagDaIntern. Have I been victim to the evil ways of the CharAssing public. Of course. What kind of celebutante would I be if I hadn't. I have been a slut, I have been a whore, I have been a cheater, I have been a stealer, I have been a liar, I have been a tease, I have been a bad person, I have been a bad friend, I have been uncouth, I have been a devil worshiper, I have been a fake, I have been a bad daughter, I have been an evil heartless bitch, I have done everything that Britney, Paris, Lindsay and Meghan have collectively been brandished for doing.
Forgive me "Father" for I have sinned. Now how far from the truth were the previous accusations. Well I leave it up to you to guess. It's not like you will believe me anyways right? Yeah. I didn't think so either. This is all coming from a girl who swears by Gossip Girl and loves Blaire Waldorf and Chuck Bass, two of the most disturbingly darkest yet realistic characters in our generation. Don't laugh. Gossip Girl deals with a lot of our own life's problems. Don't believe me? Then try watching it and tell me you don't relate to Chuck, Blaire, Serena, Dan, or Jenny at some freakin point. Go ahead. I dare you. No. I double dog dare you! You will relish the feeling and worship the ground they walk on. Because they are you and you are them.
So how do we deal with this CharAss? It's the classic tale of retribution. Karma is bad ass. It comes back to bite you where it hurts. So not only does the perpetrator have to deal with Karma's bad ass ways, it has CharAss to face as well. ::Sigh:: Revenge is sinfully pleasurable ain't it? I would know. The vicious cycle of Karma has bitten me on more than one occasion. Oops. Did I just reveal too much?
XOXO
S
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
A Letter to My Unborn Child
Hi,
You obviously don't know me yet, but you will hopefully. In fact I am writing this letter to tell you a little bit about me.
Right now I am in my early 20's but pretty soon I'll be diving into my mid twenties and the quarter life crisis will move on to the mid life stage. It's not a pretty sight I tell you. I hope you don't have to see me till I am in my late twenties, because right now I can barely handle myself, imagine handling you.
Don't get me wrong, I would love to have you, but at this point the world is a bad bad place and I want to keep you away from it. This does not mean that by the time you are born the world will be a better place, but hopefully MY world will be a better place and I will be better equipped to protect you from it.
I promise I won't name you after a cartoon character or any name that will provoke people to come up with hideous nick names for you. Your name will be beautiful. I think I will have to see you to name you. It's to impersonal to name a baby before you meet him or her. I think. So excuse me if you are nameless for a few days. You'll still be my baby though.
Baby, you don't know how much I want to do for you. I want to give you all of life's happiness, all the material and non material goods, whatever it takes.
If your a girl I want to dress you up in fancy clothes from the start, but when you are old enough to understand, I want you to know that its not only about looking good. I will make you a proper lady, because I know what it feels like to be a tom boy with cropped hair but wanting to be a girly girl with the long flowy dresses and hair:: sigh... I won't do that to you baby. I will let you wear dresses as well as the cute overalls. Whatever it takes to keep you happy.
If you are a boy I will dress you up in all the baby sports gear I can find, but I won't ever compromise on colours. If you look good in the colour pink, I won't keep you away from it. I will ensure that you are comfortable with who you are. Don't worry baby.
I hope you aren't bored baby. This is my love letter to you. Because I love you baby and I always will.
You will eat all the finest foods baby, not only the mashed processed types. You will get the best of store bought, drive way ordered and home made foods. I promise I will make extra efforts to be that "good cook" mother. The one who will cook for all your friends and won't ever let you feel like you are eating too much. You can eat whatever you want when you are young baby. But it doesn't stop there.
You will be an athlete, whether you like it or not. You won't be an idle baby who plays only Playstation 10. Baby you will play whatever you want whether its soccer, football, cricket or even golf. I will be there cheering you on at all the matches, if not all, most. I will be the soccer mom that will make sure she drops you to all your matches and at times will even settle to drop off your friends. But baby you will have time to play games, watch movies and indulge in television. I won't say no to a healthy amount of entertainment. Notice the word HEALTHY.
You will have hobbies. I won't stop you from pursuing whatever you want. You can build model cars or destroy them. However you want to express yourself I promise I will try try understand and encourage you.
For the first few years of your life I won't leave you alone baby. You will be my number one priority. But once you are old enough to go to school and stay with a babysitter, I will earn more money for us baby, but I promise I will be back soon. I will work really hard baby so that I can buy you everything you need and more. And when I come back baby I want to see a smile on your face, at any cost.
I will sing for you baby, even though I am sure I will amuse you in a scary way rather than in an entertaining way. It's okay baby, when you don't want to listen to me, I will make you listen to all my favorite artists. Music will help you when I can't. I will help you start your own personal music collection baby. You will listen to everyone from Justin Timberlake to Julio Iglesias. Rihanna to Dire Straits. It's all for you baby.
Are you with me baby?
I want to set the best example for you. I won't indulge in any vices that might hamper your perception of me. I want to be that mom that you only hear of, but never really see.
When you are older, I want you to have your space, even if it means giving you a lot of time away from me. I will let you throw your tantrums but when need be, I will put you in your place baby. I am not a cruel person baby, but life throws a lot of yucky stuff at you. At times this yucky stuff will make you stronger, at times it will make you bitter, at times it will make you hate me. Either way baby I will be strong for you. I will protect you from the yucky stuff as far as possible.
The opposite sex is dangerous baby. You have to be careful with them. If you are a girl I won't stop you from having crushes, but don't depend on boys baby. They can't always be dependable. You will be an independent woman. But you will always have me baby. I will make sure of that.
If you are a boy baby I will make you strong and proud of who you are. I won't let you be a "player" or break random girls hearts. You will be a "gangsta gentleman". That's it. Rest is up to you.
If you decide that you don't like the opposite sex but are interested in the same sex, then we will have to have a long talk and you will have to explain it to me, because I could be very apprehensive about the whole thing. But you can change my mind baby, because I just want you to be happy.
Baby its a mad mad mad world out there. People will upset you. They will make you laugh. They will make you dance to their tunes. They will make you happy. But when the world lets you down. I promise I will be there to lift you back up and I will nurse you back to absolute happiness.
I haven't mentioned your father baby. That's because I don't know who he is or where he is. It's okay though, whether I bring you into this world with or without a father, rest assured I will give you enough love to make up for the lack of one.
I am looking forward to your arrival baby. It may be after a few years, but I am already anticipating your birth. I see you in every baby I see on tv, on the street, in posters.
I love you baby.
Love,
Your mom
You obviously don't know me yet, but you will hopefully. In fact I am writing this letter to tell you a little bit about me.
Right now I am in my early 20's but pretty soon I'll be diving into my mid twenties and the quarter life crisis will move on to the mid life stage. It's not a pretty sight I tell you. I hope you don't have to see me till I am in my late twenties, because right now I can barely handle myself, imagine handling you.
Don't get me wrong, I would love to have you, but at this point the world is a bad bad place and I want to keep you away from it. This does not mean that by the time you are born the world will be a better place, but hopefully MY world will be a better place and I will be better equipped to protect you from it.
I promise I won't name you after a cartoon character or any name that will provoke people to come up with hideous nick names for you. Your name will be beautiful. I think I will have to see you to name you. It's to impersonal to name a baby before you meet him or her. I think. So excuse me if you are nameless for a few days. You'll still be my baby though.
Baby, you don't know how much I want to do for you. I want to give you all of life's happiness, all the material and non material goods, whatever it takes.
If your a girl I want to dress you up in fancy clothes from the start, but when you are old enough to understand, I want you to know that its not only about looking good. I will make you a proper lady, because I know what it feels like to be a tom boy with cropped hair but wanting to be a girly girl with the long flowy dresses and hair:: sigh... I won't do that to you baby. I will let you wear dresses as well as the cute overalls. Whatever it takes to keep you happy.
If you are a boy I will dress you up in all the baby sports gear I can find, but I won't ever compromise on colours. If you look good in the colour pink, I won't keep you away from it. I will ensure that you are comfortable with who you are. Don't worry baby.
I hope you aren't bored baby. This is my love letter to you. Because I love you baby and I always will.
You will eat all the finest foods baby, not only the mashed processed types. You will get the best of store bought, drive way ordered and home made foods. I promise I will make extra efforts to be that "good cook" mother. The one who will cook for all your friends and won't ever let you feel like you are eating too much. You can eat whatever you want when you are young baby. But it doesn't stop there.
You will be an athlete, whether you like it or not. You won't be an idle baby who plays only Playstation 10. Baby you will play whatever you want whether its soccer, football, cricket or even golf. I will be there cheering you on at all the matches, if not all, most. I will be the soccer mom that will make sure she drops you to all your matches and at times will even settle to drop off your friends. But baby you will have time to play games, watch movies and indulge in television. I won't say no to a healthy amount of entertainment. Notice the word HEALTHY.
You will have hobbies. I won't stop you from pursuing whatever you want. You can build model cars or destroy them. However you want to express yourself I promise I will try try understand and encourage you.
For the first few years of your life I won't leave you alone baby. You will be my number one priority. But once you are old enough to go to school and stay with a babysitter, I will earn more money for us baby, but I promise I will be back soon. I will work really hard baby so that I can buy you everything you need and more. And when I come back baby I want to see a smile on your face, at any cost.
I will sing for you baby, even though I am sure I will amuse you in a scary way rather than in an entertaining way. It's okay baby, when you don't want to listen to me, I will make you listen to all my favorite artists. Music will help you when I can't. I will help you start your own personal music collection baby. You will listen to everyone from Justin Timberlake to Julio Iglesias. Rihanna to Dire Straits. It's all for you baby.
Are you with me baby?
I want to set the best example for you. I won't indulge in any vices that might hamper your perception of me. I want to be that mom that you only hear of, but never really see.
When you are older, I want you to have your space, even if it means giving you a lot of time away from me. I will let you throw your tantrums but when need be, I will put you in your place baby. I am not a cruel person baby, but life throws a lot of yucky stuff at you. At times this yucky stuff will make you stronger, at times it will make you bitter, at times it will make you hate me. Either way baby I will be strong for you. I will protect you from the yucky stuff as far as possible.
The opposite sex is dangerous baby. You have to be careful with them. If you are a girl I won't stop you from having crushes, but don't depend on boys baby. They can't always be dependable. You will be an independent woman. But you will always have me baby. I will make sure of that.
If you are a boy baby I will make you strong and proud of who you are. I won't let you be a "player" or break random girls hearts. You will be a "gangsta gentleman". That's it. Rest is up to you.
If you decide that you don't like the opposite sex but are interested in the same sex, then we will have to have a long talk and you will have to explain it to me, because I could be very apprehensive about the whole thing. But you can change my mind baby, because I just want you to be happy.
Baby its a mad mad mad world out there. People will upset you. They will make you laugh. They will make you dance to their tunes. They will make you happy. But when the world lets you down. I promise I will be there to lift you back up and I will nurse you back to absolute happiness.
I haven't mentioned your father baby. That's because I don't know who he is or where he is. It's okay though, whether I bring you into this world with or without a father, rest assured I will give you enough love to make up for the lack of one.
I am looking forward to your arrival baby. It may be after a few years, but I am already anticipating your birth. I see you in every baby I see on tv, on the street, in posters.
I love you baby.
Love,
Your mom
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