SORRY from an XX

Okay so for the most part I am different from the other XX chromosomes in the world.

1. My chest and booty size is bigger.
2. I like sports, and don't just pretend to
3. I can wear heels and still run and dance up a storm
4. I don't take 1 hour baths (7 minutes is all I need)
5. I hate compliments
6. I can't sew, design, or drape a sari
7. my eye liner line is a little thicker
8. I don't like to be smarter or pretend to be dumber than the average human

But the one thing makes me just like all the other douche baggy women out there is that I can't say SORRY...when I really mean it. Sure I say SORRY for bumping into you, for spitting on you, for dropping your expensive iPhone, for making you buy me things and for things that absolutely don't deserve the utterance of the word. But there might have been a handful of times and situations where the word was so necessary but I just couldn't muster up the balls to say it.

So today, on this very blogful day, I hereby sit in my uncomfy office chair and vow to make amends. Now I won't take names because that's what distasteful bloggers do and I pride myself in being a tasteful one (yes we exist). You know how we have a lot o be thankful for? Well I have a lot to be SORRY for. Here it goes:

1. S.M.: I'm sorry I bullied you. Or rather let "them" bully you. I should have stuck up for you instead of watching and adding my "yeahs" after everything they said. I was stupid, it was the 6th grade and I think about it a lot. We were really good friends. So then why did I let it happen? We went trick-or-treating. You were my first real desi friend. But thanks for never treating me badly, even in Highschool when you totally could have. I see Karma worked out for you and you are doing really well. SORRY!
2. F, A, and A: You boys were great. I liked you. I honestly did. Just not enough to stick around I guess.You bought me gifts. Drove me around. Said all the right things. Gave me a few butterflies and goose bumpy moments. I got you to say those three dreaded words, but I couldn't reciprocate. I'm glad we're still friends and as cheesy as it may sound, there is a beautiful (little less than me) girl out there who will make you happy. SORRY we couldn't make pretty babies.
3. N: When we went from being acquaintances to besties I don't know, but I know that whatever time I had with you, it was the best time of my life (sorry for sounding like a Bryan Adams song). I know I disappointed you and I also know you'll never quite tell me how much I did. I still don't know exactly what happened, but I do know I should be SORRY to you and only you. You deserve one of the biggest SORRY's ever.
4. A.S.D.K.: You were my hero. SORRY I never told you that. It's time for me to prove you right and all of "them" wrong".
5. M: I'm SORRY this got blown out of proportion. But I guess we both like it loud and dramatic. It should have been face to face, but it didn't really go the way I planned. Not that I planned for one of the worst years of my life.
6. S.A.: I'm SORRY I led a double life. I never completely told you who I am or what I am but you were my best friend. Hopefully when I'm 67 and completely ballsy I'll sit down with you over a glass of prune juice and finally tell you everything.
7. T.R.: I stole your favorite eraser when I was 8. I wanted to add it to my eraser collection. I went home and told my mom and she didn't let me watch 'The Simpsons' for a whole week. It was torture. So I guess what I'm trying to say is: SORRY.
8. S.S.: I should have never made you my target. If that situation was a battle zone, I would have killed you in friendly fires when the real enemy got off without a scratch. Glad we started over but SORRY anyway.
9. S.A.: I'm not sorry that it's mine now, but I do think that you think that I took something of yours. I'm SORRY you got a raw deal but its about time you accept reality too. You seem pretty talented at what you do and you've moved on. Progress is refreshing!
10. My babies: You guys died a premature death at my hands. I'm SORRY you were gifted to me, but this generation of electronic goods seems to be doing well. Less slips and breaks. Fingers crossed (without them in my hands of course).
11. S.S.: If you get fired, it's my fault. SORRY. But you blew it when you started acting like a tyrant and feigned ignorance to all my problems. Tough luck on the top! Anonymous letters can be so hateful can't they?

Are there more people to say sorry to? Perhaps. But in the past 25 years, these are the most notable. Now I don't know if they'll ever read this but if they do, I mean everything in caps. That's all that matters.

I might regret this post tomorrow or even after 30 seconds of hitting the send button but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.

The road to redemption starts now in

5...
4...
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xoxo,
XX