Solitary Confinement

Those two words. Don't they just bring chills down your spine. When I hear them I can't help but think of prison cells, where "dangerous" men and women sit all day long in utter darkness. It's supposed to be their punishment, no communication with the other world, no societal interaction, nothing. Just you lost in darkness with only your thoughts keeping you company. I get visions of Andrew Dufresne, Tim Robbins character in Shawshank Redemption as he is thrown into solitary confinement for, well, telling the truth and doing what is right.

I know every religion preaches truthfulness. Every parent encourages you to do good. Every law in every country tells you to do no harm. So how do you explain all the lies, the bad and harm in the world. I don't want to be a part of this world. And I don't think I can do anything to change it either. No. I am not Mother Theresa. No. She is dead. She's lucky that way. She doesn't have to see all the rubbish happening in the world today. It just seems to get worse and worse.

So yes, I want to be in solitary confinement. I want to leave you and the rest of the mortals and be myself. Because just waking up is depressing. Everything is so wrong in the world. And I'm not just talking about one piece of KFC chicken having 500 calories in it. That's not the biggest of worries in the world.

Who likes waking up, going to a job where you think you are doing what you love only to realize you are being over worked and underpaid. Sure most of my peers are going through the same thing. But that's no excuse to let it continue.

Who wants to make new friends or get close to loved one when they are only going to leave or die? Why put myself in a situation like that? I'm sorry if I don't want to answer your calls, talk to you or enjoy your company. I am doing you and me a favor.

It's time for me to un or de-commit myself from society. Because society is such a big let down. Everyone is a bitch, man and women alike. Everyone lies. Everyone cheats. Even men of God. So excuse me if I have no faith in you or what you sell because at the end of the day you are all salesmen. You're all selfish. Yes. I mean you. Of course I count myself as one of you. But I really don't want to. That's why I choose to be alone, exclude myself from the usual and the expected.

So why have I, the once upon a time social butterfly meant for the world of Gossip Girl turned pro-alone. Well frankly speaking, every so often, women, whether old or young, fat or dangerously skinny will find themselves alone. Doesn't matter that the Earth is inhabited with over 7 billion other lonely souls, she is still alone. And I say this as a woman. not necessarily a man. Because I only see men getting what they want, living as they want, being with whomever they want. At the cost of women of course. So you cheat, you are a sworn virgin but then you go and sleep with women behind your faithful followers backs.

Jesse James, Tiger Woods, Nithyananda are only puppets in a much bigger puppet show. But women aren't completely away from being blamed. They are so needy. They need to be needed whether that means sleeping with a married man or with a man of God. Why do I want to know people like this. I have no sympathy or empathy. Shame on me for putting up with you people for so long.

My tolerance levels have reduced. I cannot stand you. The sight of you makes me think of myself and the bad things I have done as a result of being in this world.

I'm not lonely. I have great room mates. A great love. A great loving Mother. A brother who I adore. Great friends all over the world. But I need a break. So far this post seems to be about you. But I tell you honestly. This is about me. Its about my need for selfhood and certainty that can only be shaped through solitude.

Solitude. Maybe not the confined kind, but the comfortable kind where I am not obligated to answer the phone our greet you out of sheer courtesy. I want to be unfettered by society's stigma about being alone. I am not a loner. I am not suicidal. I promise. But I deserve the opportunity to explore this life without interference or any disturbance.

There are so many conflicting and complex forces in ones life. I urge you to develop a sense of honesty with yourself. Ask yourself. When you look in the mirror do you really see a fat ugly woman or do you see an average woman who is neither made up nor under groomed.

Are you dumb or do you just choose to not be overtly bookish?

Look at the bright side of things. There is one. It doesn't always mean you have to be happy about everything, it just means that some thing cannot be explained and its best to leave it that way. There really isn't always an answer for everything. Just be. That's the best thing you can do.

No you, even I don't need to see a psychiatrist. Chill. It's not the end of the world. Men Cheat. So do Women. You aren't appreciated half as much as you should be. But either is that homeless man on the sidewalk who can play the guitar with only one hand.

My favorite thing to do when I want to be alone? I read horribly romantic but cheesy novels. Makes me believe in a world where love is the biggest problem in people lives, not terrorism, back biting, fatal diseases, serial killers, blah blah blah. I also love to eat chocolate or any junk I can muster up. Of course I used to do it till the point of being disgusted. Now I do just enough to make myself feel happy. TV and Movies help. They distract you from the world otherwise. Afterall Coleridge said it best when he said engage in "Willing suspension of disbelief".

But once you pop back into the world. Be humble. It's difficult. I know. Ask me. One minute I am upset that the guy next to me dropped a plastic bag on the street and didnt bother picking it up and the next minute I am killing a chicken for it breasts to eat with mashed potatoes. We are complexly evil creatures, we human beings. But at the end of the yellow brick tunnel there is a bright light waiting and asking you to grow up and just deal.

So this want or rather need to be alone might last for a day, a week or forever. All I can say is do your best to make it less than more. I don't want to get to the point of no return. For now I am looking forward to my chocolate pudding and book called "Hot Number".

Yes. Life is good all of a sudden.