36-24-36

BWH. What do these three letters represent? They represent everything wrong with the world and women today. They represent the notion that size matters. They are evil.

Okay. Literally speaking. BWH is a term used for bust, waist and hip measurements. Ever heard of vital stats? Dreaded right? Now you thought BWH was bad what about these numbers: 36,24,36.

Now put some dashes in between. 36-24-36. The perfect female body they say. Women all over the world openly say how it's impossible to be such a size, but secretly want to sport those stats. Like the menstrual cycle and pregnancy, this is just another one of those things that women have to deal with alone, another one of those things that men cannot relate with.

My friend and colleague who I will just call S inspired me to write about this. Rather to write about this all over again. She spoke about being "Plus Size" in India. Well we reached the conclusion that plus size women don't have any "rights" and we are unloved by society. When I say plus size I mean anyone over a certain size that is considered fat in India. Dude, just because we live in a country stricken with poverty doesn't mean we should look malnutrition-ed.

I know I keep doing this and keep talking about this but what is the deal with being perfect or rather looking it? What is freakin perfect? Half the African American, Latino and South Indian men are going would probably sing a-long to Sir Mix Alots "Baby Got Back". What...don't tell me you have never heard it. Remember this:

I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull out your tough
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Baby got back!
Yeah, baby ... when it comes to females, Cosmo ain't got nothin'
to do with my selection. 36-24-36? Ha ha, only if she's 5'3".

So that's the perfect combination. All women should strive to be that! Try telling us otherwise and we won't believe you. Even Bart Simpson doesn't let us be. Don't you remember that his locker combination was 362436. I remember watching an episode of Ugly Betty the other day and Wilhelmina's safe opens to the same combination, which she claims are her measurements btw.

But pop culture is funny. In the Motley Crue song Bad Boy Boogie they aint singing about 36-24-36 but instead say 38-28-38 about a taller girl with a wider waist line and yes bigger boobs. No body needs to have a size 38 bust line. Punks.

The problem is that even after years of being told that we need to fight for our place in society, we still continue to be the weaker sex. Why? Because we obsess about men and other women think about us. If we are fat, we give up on ourselves and start commenting about other women. If there is anything I hate more than a man commenting on my body and weight is when an over weight woman comments on my weight. Oh I hate it just as much as a skinny girl telling me I'm not fat. You're right. I'm not fat, your just underweight. Puhhhllleeassseee.

As a child I think I knew I was going to grow up to be fuller figured than most others. I say this because I hated Barbie. You know the doll that looked like she belonged in Germany with Hitler rather than in the rest of the world?

Well the Aryan looking doll pissed me off to the extent that I would insist on pulling her head off and flushing it down the toilet. Harsh you say? Well bite me. Barbie was evil. Everything she stood for was evil. Straight silky yellowish hair. Creamy complexion. Blue Eyes. That's all fine. Women can have all those. If we reconstructed Barbie to be life size, she would stand at 5 feet 9 inches. But wait, tall women exist. Here is the good stuff. Her vital stats would be 36-18-33 So Barbie is well endowed (extremely) at the chest, with small almost none existent hips at 33 inches and whoa where is her waist. 18 inches!


Really. Well that's the Barbie I remember. I guess the bi*ch got what she deserved. Some meat on those sides. If you see the new Barbie she isn't the same. Looks like she has caught on to the fast food frenzy and loves those Big Macs and fries.



Barbie Syndrome took over the world. Blondes and non blondes around the world wanted to look like Barbie and for the most part still do. I mean I guess guys never caught onto the Ken Syndrome thing. How do I know that? Well you won't find a wiki page for Ken Syndrome but you will for Barbie Syndrome. Let's face it, this is another battle that women have to deal with alone. Accept it. But before Barbie and the likes was considered the ideal woman, there was Aphrodite..there was the painting "The Three Graces" with the Rubenesque women...What happened to them? Well they are considered over weight, or fat as hell.

What was once considered beautiful is not considered gross. When did child bearing hips become a bad thing? Back in the day, I mean way way back in the day like the early 1600's this was the ordinary woman:

1639 – The Three Graces; Pieter Pauwel Rubens

The ideal woman was more or less like this till the 1800's. With the advent of the 1900's women like Marilyn Monroe were considered beautiful. You think she's hot too right? But you cant help but commenting on her wide hips right? Admit it.

Plastic surgery was already rampant. Thanks to the 1920's, the Flappers were the in thing. Short hair and shorter dresses. By the time Marilyn came around, the dresses got shorter and the teeny weeny polka dot bikini had arrived.

She was a curvy size 14 by the way. But that soon started fading away. So being thin had become a sign of wealth. Dieting was upper class and elitist. Wow who ever thought looking starved would make you famous. And then Twiggy emerged, the first underweight model to make it big.




Today we have reached a place where after endless number of anorexia and bulimia cases, women hold Giselle as the ideal curvy woman.


So Giselle has the ideal body and we are still full of crap. Let's face it. Perfection, like honesty is a figment of our imagination. No body is perfect. Ask Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson. Yes, after hating on a blond doll I turn to two other blonde dolls to prove a point. Britney recently released an un airbrushed version of her new 'Candies' print ad. The result was this:
So where does this leave us boys and girls? It leaves us exactly where we started off from. Sitting in front of the laptop, letting the fat bugs get the best of us. As we get older, as we start getting wiser hopefully, as work gets more demanding, as peer pressure turns into competition, no one is sure what or who the new female ideal will or might be. But here is what I do now. Yes I Shag Da Intern want to share a few words of wisdom. Make health your new attainable goal. It's easier to reach.

For all my sisters out there who can't help but be rail thin, excuse me for not understanding. It's a fat girl thing, always feel bad for the fat, not the thin. But if you are just thin by nature then power to you. Use your skinniness to your advantage. Whatever that means.

You men who might be fat or thin, this is not about you obviously. You have your own quirks which I can't comment on since I don't know what it feels like to be a man. But I am pretty sure you worry about size too, just not the same point of reference as women (wink wink)

As for the rest of you. Women set realistic goals to reach. Plus what do you need collar bones that stick out like they can cut salami at a deli for?

Men, please compliment us if we look good. And both men and women, if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all. It really works.

Solitary Confinement

Those two words. Don't they just bring chills down your spine. When I hear them I can't help but think of prison cells, where "dangerous" men and women sit all day long in utter darkness. It's supposed to be their punishment, no communication with the other world, no societal interaction, nothing. Just you lost in darkness with only your thoughts keeping you company. I get visions of Andrew Dufresne, Tim Robbins character in Shawshank Redemption as he is thrown into solitary confinement for, well, telling the truth and doing what is right.

I know every religion preaches truthfulness. Every parent encourages you to do good. Every law in every country tells you to do no harm. So how do you explain all the lies, the bad and harm in the world. I don't want to be a part of this world. And I don't think I can do anything to change it either. No. I am not Mother Theresa. No. She is dead. She's lucky that way. She doesn't have to see all the rubbish happening in the world today. It just seems to get worse and worse.

So yes, I want to be in solitary confinement. I want to leave you and the rest of the mortals and be myself. Because just waking up is depressing. Everything is so wrong in the world. And I'm not just talking about one piece of KFC chicken having 500 calories in it. That's not the biggest of worries in the world.

Who likes waking up, going to a job where you think you are doing what you love only to realize you are being over worked and underpaid. Sure most of my peers are going through the same thing. But that's no excuse to let it continue.

Who wants to make new friends or get close to loved one when they are only going to leave or die? Why put myself in a situation like that? I'm sorry if I don't want to answer your calls, talk to you or enjoy your company. I am doing you and me a favor.

It's time for me to un or de-commit myself from society. Because society is such a big let down. Everyone is a bitch, man and women alike. Everyone lies. Everyone cheats. Even men of God. So excuse me if I have no faith in you or what you sell because at the end of the day you are all salesmen. You're all selfish. Yes. I mean you. Of course I count myself as one of you. But I really don't want to. That's why I choose to be alone, exclude myself from the usual and the expected.

So why have I, the once upon a time social butterfly meant for the world of Gossip Girl turned pro-alone. Well frankly speaking, every so often, women, whether old or young, fat or dangerously skinny will find themselves alone. Doesn't matter that the Earth is inhabited with over 7 billion other lonely souls, she is still alone. And I say this as a woman. not necessarily a man. Because I only see men getting what they want, living as they want, being with whomever they want. At the cost of women of course. So you cheat, you are a sworn virgin but then you go and sleep with women behind your faithful followers backs.

Jesse James, Tiger Woods, Nithyananda are only puppets in a much bigger puppet show. But women aren't completely away from being blamed. They are so needy. They need to be needed whether that means sleeping with a married man or with a man of God. Why do I want to know people like this. I have no sympathy or empathy. Shame on me for putting up with you people for so long.

My tolerance levels have reduced. I cannot stand you. The sight of you makes me think of myself and the bad things I have done as a result of being in this world.

I'm not lonely. I have great room mates. A great love. A great loving Mother. A brother who I adore. Great friends all over the world. But I need a break. So far this post seems to be about you. But I tell you honestly. This is about me. Its about my need for selfhood and certainty that can only be shaped through solitude.

Solitude. Maybe not the confined kind, but the comfortable kind where I am not obligated to answer the phone our greet you out of sheer courtesy. I want to be unfettered by society's stigma about being alone. I am not a loner. I am not suicidal. I promise. But I deserve the opportunity to explore this life without interference or any disturbance.

There are so many conflicting and complex forces in ones life. I urge you to develop a sense of honesty with yourself. Ask yourself. When you look in the mirror do you really see a fat ugly woman or do you see an average woman who is neither made up nor under groomed.

Are you dumb or do you just choose to not be overtly bookish?

Look at the bright side of things. There is one. It doesn't always mean you have to be happy about everything, it just means that some thing cannot be explained and its best to leave it that way. There really isn't always an answer for everything. Just be. That's the best thing you can do.

No you, even I don't need to see a psychiatrist. Chill. It's not the end of the world. Men Cheat. So do Women. You aren't appreciated half as much as you should be. But either is that homeless man on the sidewalk who can play the guitar with only one hand.

My favorite thing to do when I want to be alone? I read horribly romantic but cheesy novels. Makes me believe in a world where love is the biggest problem in people lives, not terrorism, back biting, fatal diseases, serial killers, blah blah blah. I also love to eat chocolate or any junk I can muster up. Of course I used to do it till the point of being disgusted. Now I do just enough to make myself feel happy. TV and Movies help. They distract you from the world otherwise. Afterall Coleridge said it best when he said engage in "Willing suspension of disbelief".

But once you pop back into the world. Be humble. It's difficult. I know. Ask me. One minute I am upset that the guy next to me dropped a plastic bag on the street and didnt bother picking it up and the next minute I am killing a chicken for it breasts to eat with mashed potatoes. We are complexly evil creatures, we human beings. But at the end of the yellow brick tunnel there is a bright light waiting and asking you to grow up and just deal.

So this want or rather need to be alone might last for a day, a week or forever. All I can say is do your best to make it less than more. I don't want to get to the point of no return. For now I am looking forward to my chocolate pudding and book called "Hot Number".

Yes. Life is good all of a sudden.