Jingoistic Indian

Friend is a Four Letter Word

No this is not one of those blogs where I talk about how I HATE my friends. In fact its the opposite. Rather this blog is about how I HATE well.. HATE..

It's a matter of shame that I live in a country where HATE is as rampant as Aids. Absolutely despicable. Its in our hearts, in our homes, on our televisions. But you know something is really wrong when HATE reaches so called "fair games" like Cricket. Well its a shameful and disgusting period in history. Sport is no longer fair and free of HATE

The recent IPL auction for players puts any false ideas of love aside. In fact, cricket is no longer a sport of innocent and well intentioned fun. Its a business after all. It's quite clear. Especially with the exclusion of Pakistani players in any of the IPL teams.

No this is not discrimination against Muslims. Its discrimination against Pakistani's and ultimately against humanity.

When did cricket get so political. And don't tell me it didn't. Don't give me the following excuses:

a. "There are no good players in the Pakistani team"- Oh Really? Then how do you explain Pakistan being the top team at the T20 level? How do you explain Shahid Afridi being the Man of the Series at the T20 championships in 2009? What about Mohammed Aamer or Umar Gul?

b. "Pakistani players are not available for the specified dates": What lies. really. Come up with a better excuse. I mean my favorite team, DC, bought West Indian Kemar Roach for $ 610,000. And guess what he isn't even going to be playing the first 2 games because of prior commitments. Go figure. Even the top brass of the Aussie team and the entire England team are not available. But that's a genuine excuse, not a shady one.

c. "It's a security concern": Okay so a few Pakistanis jumped on a boat and had easy access to the Bombay coast. It was an obvious security malfunction at a national level. Tighten your security. Stop terrorists from crossing borders. Not sport.

d. "Letting in one 'paki' will encourage more": Ignorant fool. I wish I could beat some sense into you. Or at least beat you up. Which age are you in? Prehistoric? Are you fighting the crusades?

As for the pro Telenganas and the Shiv Sena's. Get a grip on your fight. Do you even know what you are fighting for.

You Telengana people are fighting for a separate state because you think we Andhraites are stealing all your money and livelihoods from you. Losers. With all your protesting not only have you ruined your chances of getting tourism money from the @home matches, you have lost your dignity and ultimately your goal.

As for you Shiv Senaks. By threatening Aussie players to not enter your state, do you think that the attacks on Indian down under will stop? Really ask yourself will the crime rates drop? I didn't think so.

It's not only these politically motivated parties and alliances. It's people in my own home. My room mates. My special friends. My family. Everyone has something against Pakistan. Why dude? Did you live during partition? Did you experience separation from your family? If not then I don't think your opinion even matters. If you were directly affected by 26/11 then I can excuse your decision for fear. But if you are a modern Indian living in India and living on an old time and tested dynamic of Hate then you need to see a psychiatrist or find other ways to vent your anger.

Don't go on a murdering spree or anything. Write a blog. Don't Stop cricket.

Get over you HATE. Think about what you are losing. Cricket is the one sport which unites us with Australia, England and Pakistan. Technically we should HATE these countries right. As jingoistic Indians. England for the British Raj menace and Pakistan for leaving its big brother to fend for himself. And Australia for letting Indians get beaten up.

But then again you should probably be scared of your quiet passive girlfriend who lets you get away with everything but murder. She is like a volcano waiting to erupt. You should be scared of your neighbor who gets sick of the loud parties, the stench from your house. He might just come and kill you in your sleep. You should be scared of the homeless Eunuch on the street whose been abused by fools like you and who wants sweet unadulterated revenge. What I am basically saying is you should either be scared of everything or not scared at all.

By excluding Pakistani players you may think you are doing a great favor for national security, but for global integrity you are killing it.

What an embaressment. You extend a hand and let Pakistani Players play in the first 2 IPL's. Then you even go to the extent to include 11 of the players in the auction list. And then none of the teams have the balls to go and bid on the players. I'm sure you could have bought 2 awesome Pakistani players for the price of one awesome Shane Bond.

Remember this you jingoistic Indians. You have gone and snubbed not only a cricket team, but an already hostile country. All you needed was to piss off some more Pakistani's. Great going.

In an ideal world Pakistan should just start its own premier league...but it's not an ideal world and you will think twice before trusting a Pakistani.

I guess at the end of all this. All I can say is IPL is run by "professionals" and they are the ones who ultimately decide what is best for the teams and the sport. Even if it means using cricketers for their larger cause.

Right because Shilpa Shetty, Preity Zinta and Shahrukh have a degree in how to handle a cricket team. Totally!

Resist from taking active apart in rude jingoism. However if you feel that by excluding Pakistani players from IPL is good for Indian national security then by all means be a jingo. But leave me out of it. I don't entertain discrimination of any sort. Even for my own country I do not judge a race because of a few miscreants. That was what Hitler did. And now apparently you do too.

That is because you are a Jingoistic Indian.

I leave you with a Mariah Carey song that describes the relationship between Pakistan and India to the T:

Once upon a time
We swore not to say goodbye
Something got a hold of us
And we changed
And you sat alone in pride
And I sat at home and cried
How'd our fairy tale just end up this way?

We went round for round
Til' we knocked love out
We were laying in the ring
Not making a sound
And if that's a metaphor of you and I
Why is it so hard to say goodbye?

I can't wait to hate you
Make you pain like I do
Still can't shake you off
I can't wait to break through these emotional changes
Seems like such a lost cause
I can't wait to face you
Break you down so low there's no place left to go
I can't wait to hate you

I'm Down like Your Internet Connection

I think MIA is awesome. I mean she came, she conquered and she is suddenly Missing In Action, probably flying off to some exotic places on her paper planes. But, from what I hear she is coming back with a new album and I am super excited about it. And take this, one of her songs is actually called "I'm down like your internet connection". Wow. She came up with the song while she was on the phone with a customer service person trying to get her internet fixed. And viola, she has her next song. I think that's cool. Wish I could get inspired just like that.

So even I have problems with my internet. In fact just yesterday me and my room mates were dying with our brand new connection. So we spoke to 2334093583048 different customer care reps and I had to watch my room mate S no. 2 as she struggled with experimentation. Pulling plugs out, plugging them in different sockets, praying, abusing. Yeah all the jazz. But what did I get out of that episode? Nothing. I just was hungry and decided to deal with our ill fated luck. So we ate and watched some Ugly Betty. Yeah that is the day we deal. With some grub and some eye candy.

But I need some inspiration. But everywhere I look there is only destruction and dandy-ness. By destruction I mean the natural disasters, the terrorists attention seeking methods, the missing and dead children. By dandy-ness I mean all those people raking in so much money that they can't count, such a large amount that it is a small country's yearly budget. They are laughing, wearing fancy clothes and only living the good life. Hmm. So everyone gets inspired by these things. But that's easy. Is it wrong that I get inspired by the one liners my colleague comes up with in the middle of brainstorming sessions. Or by the gum that gets stuck to my 100 rupee Rocksters. Or by the strands of hair I see on my bedroom floor despite sweeping the room 20 seconds ago. Does that make me weird???

No I don't think it's weird. Just means that the small things in life are worth mentioning. Make an effort to remember the one hit wonders...remember and appreciate the indi and smaller artists like you do the big platinum selling ones. After all they are all musicians.

Maybe we fail to notice the small things in life because we are too caught up with the bigger or the shinier things. It's just human nature. But it makes me question what we really are. Do we really care about what is happening in Haiti or are we most concerned with sexy George Clooney, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's donation giving spree. Perhaps. But we aren't that heartless either. But we cannot deny the fact that our idea of humanity has shifted.

We keep crying about all the dying, murdered and beaten Indians in Australia but its happening here in India to Indians as well. hmm..I think I always bring this up...scratch that...

So we love Beyonce but dude Estelle is awesome too. I like Nirvana but what about Sublime. You love (I love) Lady Gaga but have you heard Santo Gold? Didn't think so. Face it. Most of you are music racists. Yes you read me right.

It's not only about the big and small.

It's not about what we do to help fight against all the evils, all the wrong doings, all the bad. It's about spreading the word and being aware. And yes we are a very aware generation. But is that enough?

Maybe..maybe not..but I think its important to give importance to the big and small things in your life..whats the point of saving the whales when your own human relationships are failing.
Whats the point of being humble and kind towards dogs when your behavior towards your fellow mortals is despicable. Whats the point of wearing fancy clothes when you keep throwing the wrappers to all your anti aging creams on the streets. Whats the point of saying you love punk music when you don't even know Sublime. Whats the point of appreciating urban music when you classify Eminem as the father of hip hop?

Clean your act up. Personally. Professionally. Humanitarianlly. Musically. The world is counting on you. Not to just fix the internet but to be an active and decent member of society.

But as Greenday says,

Do you know what's worth fighting for?
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?

Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins

We all are in ruins. But at the end of the tunnel there is day light for sure. I know there is. Don't ask me how.

Btw. Speaking of missing in action, does anyone know what happened to Shania Twain or Vanilla Ice? I miss them.

For your Entertainment

Yes. I'm here. Use me. Abuse me. Do whatever you want to me. After all at the end of the day you are going to be screaming my name and that is my ultimate goal. Seriously.

I can't take compliments of any sort. I react in one of two ways if you so much as mutter phrases that resembles a compliment. You say, "wow you look nice today". Simple enough right. No biggie. NO WAY! My self obsessed over conscious self goes into overdrive and I do not know how to react. So I either super coolly say "Yeah I know right" or "No I don't. Don't just say things to make conversation". So either way I am the bad guy. I am either proud or mean. Hmm.. Which is better? Who cares really. I am here for your entertainment.

Okay okay..so maybe it wasn't really my thing. This for your whole entertainment thing. It's Adam Lambert's thing. He shoves his crotch into his guitarists face on international television and is sent to entertainment hall of fame for it...nice..but I don't know if I can handle the whole entertaining the world thing...

I mean I can barely handle the entertaining my man thing..or entertaining my friends thing..it's tough being entertaining.

But life has taught me much about myself. Apparently I don't have to try hard to be entertaining. I seem to ooze it without trying. Funny right.

I try to make my Facebook status messages extra entertaining. At times funny. At times depressing. And most of the times my feelings exactly. But Facebook really does allow me to be the super duper entertainer that I am. To understand what I mean..Let me tell you something about entertainers...they thrive on attention..and I love it to..no matter how many times I deny the compliment or reverse it..keep them coming.

This is the ugly duckling in me speaking. The one who never got the boy she wanted but has him now and to keep him goes through extreme lengths to keep it that way. I don't want to go back to that same place. Being the insignificant Indian girl. I like being the Born in India, raised in America, but living in India kinda girl. It's fun. And you seem to find it entertaining.

You are entertained as soon as I open my mouth. The way I speak, with my extra enunciated English with a twinge of American twang. You dig it totally. If you didn't you wouldn't take the pains to point out the way I say certain things each and every time.

Today I changed my relationship status on Facebook from "single" to "in a relationship". Those of my Facebook friends who I choose to talk to beyond Facebook already know that about me..but those of my FB friends who I restrict to the confines of face-book-dom....well they needed to know. Not because it's vital information that will save their pathetic lives from further drowning into patheticness, but because I needed acknowledgment. I needed some people to know my relationship status more then others. Just.

But seriously speaking I got an immediate reaction. In fact, 5 seconds after I made the post, people started commenting. I mean I am their very own Adam Lambert. It's good in a way right. Now everyone knows I have a significant other. A special friend. I just didn't mention who. I didn't have to. Just the fact that I am in a relationship is entertaining enough.

Wow. I am in a relationship. Just struck me that I said that. It sounds different when you keep saying it over and over in your head. Or when you keep writing that you are in relationship over and over again. I am in a relationship. I am in a relationship. I am in a relationship. Sorry for the randomness. Just had to make sure I was actually writing it. See I write the way I think. So it's not just in my head. It's true.

Okay now that I have gotten that off my more than ample and well endowed chest. Lets move on. After all I am here for your entertainment.

So I am your entertainer and Facebook is my vehicle for entertaining you. That is just until I can get my claim to fame through more legitimate modes. ::cough cough:: American Idol, MTV, Gossip Girl..yeah until those come knocking on my door can't really do much.

So I'm funny. I can hold some decent conversation now and then. And yes I look good. But here is how that works. There is a formula to everything. I wasn't born like this. The funny part is mostly because people's idea of what is funny is somewhat demented now a days. Humour is found in me falling, tripping, running into walls or my buttons popping. Yeah go figure. No wonder I am so hilarious. I am the biggest klutz on the planet.

The decent conversation part. Well that's not really true. Most of the time you won't even understand what I am talking about. Because I find interest in things that otherwise "smart" or "dumb" people don't. I think since I am in between these two types, I find some sort of connect. That's all. No brain surgery here.

Oh and now the best part. The looking good part. Yes so I have "sharp features", when in reality I have an extra long pointy nose. Guess the creator knew I was going to be a liar like Pinocchio. the rest of the good looks? Well let me break it down further.

The curves? Where do they come from? Well you can thank 24 years of solid eating with average to minimal exercise.

The lustrous hair? You can thank 13 years of near baldness thanks to overbearing parents who tried to make me the son they never had.

The high cheekbones? Non existent.

The clear skin? Non existent.

The beautiful eyes? The best brands of Kohl on the planet. Only enhancers of course.

The rest. Well it's all natural.

Who knew my life long dream of being a superstar would come true...okay maybe not..but who says a girl can't believe..I'm sure Leighton Meester wasn't born knowing she would be THE Blair Waldorf...

Susan Boyle definitely didn't think Simon Cowell would fall at her feet in praise, but what a voice right?

Who knew Stephani would become Gaga extraordinaire and have millions of people talking about her fashion choices, her love choices, her musical choices and even her gender choices?

No one knew. And then Bam they emerged without a warning.

So that's it. An exclusive sneak peek behind the fabulous life of ShagDaIntern. A sneak peek into the glamour. The glitz. The entertainment. I am always open to suggestions about how I can improve my entertaining qualities. Keep them coming. Till then I am here for your entertainment.